Scott Westerfeld Forum

Everything Else => Conversations => Topic started by: Chairlegs on February 26, 2015, 06:07:36 PM

Title: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on February 26, 2015, 06:07:36 PM
Why is there not a thread for jokes?

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?

...

A. Ground beef.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on February 27, 2015, 11:30:06 AM
"I live in a world where fowl can cross streets without having their motives questioned."
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on February 27, 2015, 11:44:21 AM
Why should you never eat a clock?
It is very time consuming
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on February 27, 2015, 11:55:19 AM
There are only 10 types of people in this world: Those who know binary, and those who don't.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on February 27, 2015, 12:09:31 PM
5 out of four people cannot do fractions
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: ChaoticRhymer on February 27, 2015, 12:13:15 PM
"Undomesticated equines couldn't keep me away. "
"It's wild horses T'ealk."
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on February 27, 2015, 12:14:54 PM
Wild horses?
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on February 27, 2015, 12:27:19 PM
Q: Why did the man stand behind the horse?
A: He was hoping to get a kick out of it
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: ChaoticRhymer on February 27, 2015, 01:11:44 PM
Stargate SG1 reference.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: BlueberryDoughnut on February 27, 2015, 04:23:41 PM
What's Beethoven's favorite fruit?

A ba-na-na-naaaaaa!

(Sing to the tune of Beethoven's 5th Symphony for maximum effect.)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on February 27, 2015, 09:07:24 PM
Why did the frog cross the road

To show his girlfriend he had guts
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on February 28, 2015, 01:39:00 AM
What's Beethoven's favorite fruit?

A ba-na-na-naaaaaa!

(Sing to the tune of Beethoven's 5th Symphony for maximum effect.)
I spat milk everywhere XD

Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar. Followed by Batman.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on February 28, 2015, 10:04:29 AM
What do you call a donkey with three legs?

A w-onkey
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 02, 2015, 06:26:33 PM
A dyslexic walks into a bra...
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 03, 2015, 10:55:30 AM
It took me a second XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: BlueberryDoughnut on March 03, 2015, 10:57:09 AM
Here's an anti-joke, for those of you who like this sort of thing.


A Christian, a Jew, and a Muslim all walk into a bar. What a fine example of an integrated community.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: |ĸιrα| on March 03, 2015, 10:58:30 AM
My friend loves anti-jokes. So much.

Here's some philosophy from the cookie monster(not really a joke): Cookie dough is the sushi of desserts.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 03, 2015, 11:07:17 AM
Actually i shouldn't make fun of dyslexics
They are teople poo...
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 03, 2015, 11:09:47 AM
There was a really good one I had this morning but I forgot what it was :P
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 03, 2015, 12:23:52 PM
What do you call an intp party?

(nonexistent)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 03, 2015, 12:27:53 PM
Here's an anti-joke, for those of you who like this sort of thing.


A Christian, a Jew, and a Muslim all walk into a bar. What a fine example of an integrated community.
I WAS LITERALLY ABOUT TO POST THAT O.O

And tru dat @Besly

Chemistry lab is one big party. Some drop acid, and others drop the base.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 03, 2015, 12:29:40 PM
Sixteen Sodium atoms walk into a bar. Followed by Batman.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 03, 2015, 12:36:25 PM
Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar. Followed by Batman.

(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wnnpH8Pi-a8/UVNrhHLvILI/AAAAAAAALHY/NfnePPCmtXc/s1600/liar-thief.gif)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 03, 2015, 12:38:06 PM
If I wasn't on my phone you would be buried in gifs right now.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 03, 2015, 12:42:56 PM
(https://38.media.tumblr.com/1f306076a8f301c3767efefea6ba5ad4/tumblr_mt143pzgN01shji0no1_500.gif)
AND I'm on my phone.

(http://media0.giphy.com/media/EtGlVJBofNTRC/200_s.gif)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 03, 2015, 12:44:13 PM
You're barely even a Theta
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: |ĸιrα| on March 03, 2015, 12:45:23 PM
(http://www.peerfit.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/IsThat-a-Challenge.gif)
Where there are gifs, there are Kira. Is kira. Me I'm here
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 03, 2015, 12:47:10 PM
(http://media.giphy.com/media/mVJojMQvDwixG/giphy.gif)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 03, 2015, 12:47:52 PM
You bet your bristles it's a challenge. Sick her.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: |ĸιrα| on March 03, 2015, 12:48:21 PM
(https://p.gr-assets.com/540x540/fit/hostedimages/1380916252/3229270.gif)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 03, 2015, 12:53:12 PM
(http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m37x2inKcT1qe65uso1_500.gif)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 03, 2015, 12:56:44 PM
(http://37.media.tumblr.com/6e8f3c39c3c6e757db749db8b1630470/tumblr_mqog6zoEff1sqkrnoo1_1280.gif)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: |ĸιrα| on March 03, 2015, 12:57:13 PM
(http://media.giphy.com/media/Sl1lKFZEI4xgY/giphy.gif)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 03, 2015, 12:58:21 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/4apz0el.jpg)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 03, 2015, 01:00:02 PM
(http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view5/2418792/flailing-o.gif)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: |ĸιrα| on March 03, 2015, 01:01:50 PM
(http://gifsb.in/oh-shit/flailing-arms-3.gif)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 03, 2015, 01:47:34 PM
(http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/015/f/8/hetalia__japan_pasta_animation_by_subsquentual-d5rk9al.gif)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 03, 2015, 01:49:40 PM
I knew that panzer had posted that before I even read the name.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 03, 2015, 01:52:06 PM
I had no other choice.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: |ĸιrα| on March 03, 2015, 01:55:02 PM
(http://reactiongifs.me/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/joffrey-getting-slapped-by-tyrion-game-of-thrones-slap.gif)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 03, 2015, 02:05:25 PM
I knew that panzer had posted that before I even read the name.
(http://i.imgur.com/ZQpVOPB.gif)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: BlueberryDoughnut on March 03, 2015, 02:06:36 PM
(http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/015/f/8/hetalia__japan_pasta_animation_by_subsquentual-d5rk9al.gif)

I don't know what episode this is from, but it's absolutely beautiful.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 03, 2015, 02:40:43 PM
What has happened to this thread?
(http://ljis17.com/site_image_elements/picard_facepalm.gif)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 03, 2015, 02:43:06 PM
I mean this is a joke thread and Besly and Kira are jokes so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: |ĸιrα| on March 03, 2015, 02:54:10 PM
(http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l49/ShiyunAmanda/Rude.gif)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 03, 2015, 03:03:18 PM
how silly of me
I should have seen this coming
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: kristina-la on March 03, 2015, 03:03:50 PM
enough of this madness!!

where does the king keep his armies?
in his sleevies!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 03, 2015, 03:09:15 PM
What do you get when you cross a:
River, Mountain, Desert?

Sore feet. ;D
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: kristina-la on March 03, 2015, 03:13:08 PM
why can't Helen Keller drive?
because she's dead!

(sorry not sorry. Helen keller jokes are never not funny :P)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: kristina-la on March 03, 2015, 03:17:33 PM
what do you feed an invisible cat?
Evaporated milk!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: BlueberryDoughnut on March 03, 2015, 03:19:37 PM
why can't Helen Keller drive?
because she's dead!

(sorry not sorry. Helen keller jokes are never not funny :P)

Hey, did you know Helen Keller had a playground in her backyard?
Neither did she.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 03, 2015, 03:19:53 PM
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have some H2O." The second says, "I'll have some H2O too." The second chemist dies shortly after.

Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: kristina-la on March 03, 2015, 03:20:14 PM
why did the face of Boe go to the party all by himself?
because he had noBODY to go with!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 03, 2015, 03:23:45 PM
Johnny was a chemist's son
But Johnny is no more
What Johnny thought was H2O
Was H2SO4
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: kristina-la on March 03, 2015, 03:24:34 PM
Why did the Dalek cross the road?
...to enslave humanity
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: |ĸιrα| on March 03, 2015, 03:25:15 PM
A photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks if they need help with their bags. The photon replies "no thanks, I'm traveling light."
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: BlueberryDoughnut on March 03, 2015, 03:30:40 PM
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Not Susie!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: |ĸιrα| on March 03, 2015, 03:33:48 PM
OMG. OKAY. So I told that joke to my family and they laughed so hard they cried and then my sisters friend posted a photo to her Facebook wall of a t Rex that couldn't clap it's hands and my brother commented 'it's okay t rex, Susie can't clap either' AND I DIED
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: BlueberryDoughnut on March 03, 2015, 03:35:27 PM
XD XD XD XD XD
Rest in peace, me. I've just died, too.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: kristina-la on March 03, 2015, 03:39:32 PM
hahhahaha oh the Susie joke! best! :D


Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 03, 2015, 03:43:13 PM
I actually got a birthday shirt a while back with a t rex saxing 'if you're happy and you know it clap your- oh, wait' on it
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: |ĸιrα| on March 03, 2015, 03:44:23 PM
THAT WAS THE PICTURE
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: kristina-la on March 03, 2015, 03:47:41 PM
what do and elephant and a strawberry have in common?

THEY"RE BOTH RED....except the elephant
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: BlueberryDoughnut on March 03, 2015, 03:48:40 PM
What's green and has wheels?
Grass; I lied about the wheels.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 03, 2015, 03:49:08 PM
A blonde, brunette, and red head are talking
The red head wants to be the first woman to walk on the moon.
The Brunette wants to be the first woman to walk on Jupiter.
The Blond want to be the first woman to walk on the sun.

The Brunette and Red head says that is impossible you would be blinded and burnt to a crisp
if you even go near the sun.

The blond thinks about this and says:
"I will go at night then..."
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: |ĸιrα| on March 03, 2015, 03:52:59 PM
Omg blonde jokes.

A blonde walks into a shoe store and asks the manager for alligator skin boots. He takes her to them and she's shocked at the prices.
"That's ridiculous, I'll just go get my own!" She then stormed out of the store. The manager didn't think much of it but on his way home from work he heard gunshots. He pulled over to the side of the road and got out, surprised to see a pile of dead alligators and the blonde from before pulling another one over. He was really impressed until she turned it over and said "Nope, no boots on this one either!"
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 03, 2015, 04:01:04 PM
Why did little sussie dop her ice cream?

She was hit by a bus

Why wasn't little Johnny holding his ice cream.
he was driving...
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 03, 2015, 05:45:58 PM
A man goes in for an interview on a 23 story building
and he get very angry at the manager for rejecting the application
the manager is also furious he asks his secretary to throw him out

23 stories later the manager said: "I meant through the door"
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 03, 2015, 05:46:08 PM
A blonde, a redhead and a brunette were all standing at the top of a waterfall. A genie appeared and told them to leap off the waterfall and shout a wish on the way down.
The brunette jumped; 'MONEEEEEEEY!' And she landed in a big pile of money.
The redhead jumped; 'FOOOOOOOD!' And she landed in a big pile of food.
The blonde jumped 'WEEEEEEEEEE!'
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 03, 2015, 05:52:34 PM
A blonde, brunette and red head are stuck on an island 100 kilometers from the main land.

The Brunette tries to swim, but drowns at 25 kilometers.

The Red head tries to swim, but drowns at 75 kilometers

The Blond tries to swim, but gets to 50 kilometers,
gets tired and swims back.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 03, 2015, 05:56:00 PM
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
 ;D this cracked me up when I saw it
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 03, 2015, 09:44:43 PM
Three blondes walks into a building
You would have though at least one would have seen it
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 04, 2015, 11:32:39 AM
Why is the dictionary called Larousse?
Because if it was called Lablonde, it would be empty.

I heard that one in French club. Apparently there's blonde jokes in France, too XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 04, 2015, 11:35:22 AM
That's awesome.

'Did you hear? Reese was murdered in the kitchen!'
'With her knife?'
'No, Witherspoon'
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 04, 2015, 04:28:42 PM
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiots house!
hahahahahahahaha cracks me up every time

Ohh another one wait...

Knock Knock.
'Who's there'
The chicken...
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: BlueberryDoughnut on March 04, 2015, 04:39:06 PM
Why did the suicidal chicken cross the road?
To get to The Other Side.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: |ĸιrα| on March 04, 2015, 04:42:29 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/GKgA75h.jpg)(http://i.imgur.com/fnnxLnd.jpg)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 04, 2015, 04:54:47 PM
Adorbs
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: kristina-la on March 04, 2015, 05:31:54 PM
what kind of bees make milk?

BOOBEES ;)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: kristina-la on March 04, 2015, 05:32:41 PM
What's orange and lies in the middle of the road?

A WOUNDED CHEESIE!!! (I honestly don't know why I find that joke so funny but it just kills me every time! :P)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: kristina-la on March 04, 2015, 05:34:25 PM
Knock-knock
Who's there?
You know
You know who...
AVADA KEDAVRA!!!


Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 04, 2015, 07:32:13 PM
Why did the chicken hold up his sword?
To yell: "Are you not entertained!?"
(Look at Profile pic :P)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 06, 2015, 11:42:06 AM
Knock-knock
Who's there?
You know
You know who...
AVADA KEDAVRA!!!
That is beautiful XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 06, 2015, 01:09:55 PM
"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"To"
"To who?"
"To WHOM you idiot"
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 06, 2015, 01:13:45 PM
Perf!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 06, 2015, 03:05:19 PM
(http://tahukar.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/iPhone-iPad-iPod-iPaid-Funny-Family-Cartoon-Jokes.jpg)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 06, 2015, 03:07:12 PM
*Slow clap*
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 06, 2015, 03:10:35 PM
*Bow*
I do my best
Thank you
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 06, 2015, 03:18:27 PM
Ten top things that arevery interesting,

1. there is a spelling mistake in the first sentence

2. you Went to look

3. there is capital in number 3

4. you went to look

6. humans see what they want to see

7. I skipped five

8. you went to look again!

9. this is now pointless

10. you really want to go back and try and prank me

11. you want to do this to someone else

12. only meant to be ten interesting things
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 06, 2015, 03:21:48 PM
There's no capital in number 3 :P
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 06, 2015, 03:22:36 PM
Technically there is the word 'capital' :P
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 06, 2015, 03:27:34 PM
True, true.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 06, 2015, 03:49:40 PM
so how did you go with that?
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 06, 2015, 03:56:13 PM
you've have read this question wrong.
lol
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 08, 2015, 12:29:02 AM
Question: If a storm-trooper from Star Wars and red shirt from Star trek get into a fire fight...
Who would win?

Answer: The storm-trooper, even though he wouldn't shoot anything but the walls and sometime other storm-troopers,
the red shirt would eventually die.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 10, 2015, 12:19:46 PM
Two amazing jokes from my brother today:

What's the opposite of pro? Con.
...so what's the opposite of progress?

Very few people know the opposites to all these words:
Always
Coming
From
Take
Me
Down
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 10, 2015, 12:21:08 PM
...did your brother just Rickroll me? ;u;
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 10, 2015, 12:27:50 PM
Yes. Yes he did XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 10, 2015, 01:57:48 PM
racecar
and racecar
are really spelt backwards
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 11, 2015, 11:47:16 AM
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your steering wheel.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 11, 2015, 11:56:54 AM
Q: How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
A: Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: BlueberryDoughnut on March 11, 2015, 12:00:57 PM
Oh, you want me to tell a potassium joke?
K
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 11, 2015, 12:10:06 PM
Oh, you want me to tell a potassium joke?
K
Yay geek jokes! XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 11, 2015, 12:12:00 PM
*Applause!*
Very nice

an neutron walks into a bar asks for a drink and starts to pay
but the bartender seem friendly and said:
"For you, no charge"
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: BlueberryDoughnut on March 11, 2015, 12:12:23 PM
Geek jokes are the best XD

I wasn't sure where to post this next thing, but it's College Humor, so I figured it might as well go here.
The Educational Version of Anaconda: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VxV717PRBU
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 11, 2015, 12:15:10 PM
nerdy pick up line (not directed at anyone)

In my world you are copper and trillium...

Cos you are CU-TE
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 11, 2015, 12:24:56 PM
001010100111001101101001011011100110011101110011001010100000110100001010010011100110010101110110011001010111001000100000011001110110111101101110011011100110000100100000011001110110100101110110011001010010000001111001011011110111010100100000011101010111000000100001

 ;)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 11, 2015, 12:28:56 PM
001010100111001101101001011011100110011101110011001010100000110100001010010011100110010101110110011001010111001000100000011001110110111101101110011011100110000100100000011001110110100101110110011001010010000001111001011011110111010100100000011101010111000000100001

 ;)
*goes to binary translator* *facepalms* ::)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 11, 2015, 12:34:56 PM
nerdy pick up line (not directed at anyone)

In my world you are copper and trillium...

Cos you are CU-TE
Funny story about that, my best friend's favorite element is copper and mine is tellurium and we kept seeing copper + tellurium pick up lines and it was seriously weirding us out :o

I really want to know what that says...
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 11, 2015, 12:36:06 PM
http://nickciske.com/tools/binary.php (http://nickciske.com/tools/binary.php)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 11, 2015, 12:39:14 PM
That's the third time in a week just on this forum ::)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 11, 2015, 12:42:22 PM
(http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Tina-Fey-giving-herself-high-five.gif)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 11, 2015, 04:52:04 PM
(http://www.vitamin-ha.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Funny-Spiderman-10.jpg)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 11, 2015, 04:53:13 PM
http://cdn3.volusion.com/hpsho.sjaxp/v/vspfiles/photos/000030-2.jpg
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 11, 2015, 04:58:40 PM
(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/a7/b2/4e/a7b24e5da4fe3389839133565ebd38d6.jpg)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 11, 2015, 05:10:19 PM
Spider man and Bat man walk into a bar
Spider man orders a spider
Bat man orders a beer
cos he is an adult
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 11, 2015, 11:56:18 PM
Best friends are like slinkies (the metal spring toy)

They are awesome and you want to do everything with them...

And as you grow older they loose their interesting factor...

But they put a smile on your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
 ;D
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 12, 2015, 12:13:08 PM
A panda walks into a bar, orders a sandwich from the bartender.
When he finishes eating her puts out a revolver and shoots the bartender that served him
The panda slams a piece of paper on the table and runs out the door.
The occupants of the bar read the piece of paper and realize it is a fact card
it read:
"A panda eats: shoots and leaves"
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 12, 2015, 12:14:47 PM
What do you do with a sick chemist?

If you can't helium, and you can curium, then you might as well barium.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 12, 2015, 12:24:15 PM
Two scientists walk into a bar
One wants h2o as a drink
The other one wants some h2o too
The second scientist died
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 12, 2015, 12:59:51 PM
Band nerd joke -

How do you contact a baritone player?
Euphonium.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: BlueberryDoughnut on March 12, 2015, 01:02:37 PM
How do you get two piccolos to play in tune?
You shoot one.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 12, 2015, 01:05:09 PM
I am in band
I get it

(http://cdn.funnymeme.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/funny-meme-just-act-natural-197x720.jpg)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 12, 2015, 07:35:28 PM
"My mamma always said Life is like a box of chocolates"
-Forrest Gump

"I never did get any boxes of chocolate"
-His conscience
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 12, 2015, 09:18:18 PM
what do you call a man with a shovel?
Dug

What do you call a man without a shovel?
Dugless

Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 12, 2015, 09:48:57 PM
Good one.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 13, 2015, 12:18:01 PM
What do you call a girl that incinerates her taxes?
Bernadette
(Burn-a-debt)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 13, 2015, 12:18:58 PM
[Harhar]

Why do gorilla's have huge nostrils?
They have huge fingers.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 13, 2015, 01:09:43 PM
Where do monkeys cook their bananas?
Under the gorilla (Griller)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 13, 2015, 01:11:20 PM
I never make mistakes. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 13, 2015, 01:15:07 PM
People learn from there Mistakes...

People learn from their mistakes.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 13, 2015, 01:28:48 PM
I never make mistakes. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
*applause*
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 13, 2015, 01:30:35 PM
*Bows* Made a rubbish cup of coffee once.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 13, 2015, 01:48:02 PM
What do you expect it was ground this morning
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 13, 2015, 01:49:23 PM
*Shrugs and weeps* No excuse ;-;
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 13, 2015, 01:55:04 PM
I will make you a good cup of coffee
If it can fit in the 'post reply'
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 13, 2015, 01:57:19 PM
I'd prefer a good plan.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 13, 2015, 09:04:29 PM
I'd prefer a good plan.
I got you covered on this one.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 13, 2015, 10:31:46 PM
Ty Ladybro
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 15, 2015, 11:08:34 AM
If pork chops were perfect
We won't need hot dogs
- Greg Universe
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 16, 2015, 07:42:20 AM
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
'Cause if they flew over the bay, they'd be called bagels.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Julia The Bookworm on March 16, 2015, 09:38:48 AM
I laughed harder then I should at that. XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: BlueberryDoughnut on March 16, 2015, 09:46:59 AM
Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "Jeez, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin, shocked, shouts, "Holy crap, a talking muffin!"
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 16, 2015, 10:14:17 AM
*very slow face palm*
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 16, 2015, 10:34:36 AM
Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "Jeez, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin, shocked, shouts, "Holy crap, a talking muffin!"
Awesome XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 16, 2015, 09:20:53 PM
How do you make a cat go woof?

Dose it in petroleum and set it alight (WOOOF)

How do you make a dog go Meow?

Stick it in the freezer and cut it in half with a chainsaw (MEEEEEEEEEOOOOOW) 
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 16, 2015, 10:18:52 PM
An Irishman walks out of a bar.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 17, 2015, 10:19:56 AM
That's new!

How do you confuse an Irish man?
Put him in a round room,
and tell him to sit in the corner.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 18, 2015, 10:41:34 AM
"Holy shift, check out the asymptote on that mother function!"

This was written on the board in math today XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 18, 2015, 01:50:18 PM
Book Titles!

'Snakes'
-By Sir. Pent

'Off a cliff'
-By Irene Dover

'Feeding a dog'
-By Nora Bone

'How to make people fat'
-By Ronald McDonald
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 18, 2015, 02:02:26 PM
Perfect. Just perfect. :D
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 18, 2015, 05:46:22 PM
How many calories in a McDonald's Whopper?

300?

200?

100?

20?

1?

the real answer is 0
McDonald don't sell
whoppers
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 19, 2015, 11:58:23 AM
The is a plane with no fuel is going to crash but is gliding over the ocean, slowly descending.
One woman know that she will die and stands up and says,
"I will die a woman!" And rips off her shirt
"and if you men have anything to say?"
One man stands up and pulls off his shirt and says,
"I will die a man"
Then he turns to the first woman and says,
"Here, iron this for me"

This is from my friend I didn't make this joke
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GreyCaboose on March 19, 2015, 03:44:27 PM
That's...kind of sexist to be honest.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 19, 2015, 04:33:32 PM
That's the joke.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GreyCaboose on March 19, 2015, 04:38:49 PM
I know, but I just don't find sexism that funny.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 19, 2015, 05:28:41 PM
Once again I am sorry
That was from My friend
annnnd it sounded a whole lot better
in real life
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 19, 2015, 09:16:08 PM
A trucker walks into a bar after a 5 hour road trip and orders a rump stake.
5 Minutes after ordering a very large bike gang turns up at the pub.
The trucker gets his stake and sits in the middle of the room.

The leader of the gang walks up to the trucker,
"That's a good stake, can I try?", he says as he reaches for the stake.
The trucker slaps his hand and returns to eating.
This makes the leader mad and he spits on the stake and yells at the trucker,
"Get outta here and don't come back!"

The trucker is fed up and leaves the pub
A minute later they hear the truck start and then a metal-against-metal CRUNCH.
The trucker walks in after the engine of the truck dies and says,
"I tried to leave but there was a bunch of bikes in the way, such a shame."
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: BlueberryDoughnut on March 20, 2015, 12:22:56 AM
The is a plane with no fuel is going to crash but is gliding over the ocean, slowly descending.
One woman know that she will die and stands up and says,
"I will die a woman!" And rips off her shirt
"and if you men have anything to say?"
One man stands up and pulls off his shirt and says,
"I will die a man"
Then he turns to the first woman and says,
"Here, iron this for me"

This is from my friend I didn't make this joke

XD I think it's pretty funny.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 20, 2015, 12:40:04 AM
Me too :P
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 20, 2015, 11:48:05 AM
Thank you both
I will pass that on to my friend
and once again sorry GreyCaboose
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GreyCaboose on March 20, 2015, 11:49:13 AM
It's okay.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 20, 2015, 11:54:58 AM
I will promise to not do any other sexism jokes
Steven universe buddies?  :)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GreyCaboose on March 20, 2015, 11:56:03 AM
Yes, Steven Universe buddies. And you can call me Cabbie.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 20, 2015, 11:59:52 AM
cool beans Cabbie
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 20, 2015, 12:03:44 PM
You know the joke was anti sexist right? That's how satire works.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GreyCaboose on March 20, 2015, 12:10:15 PM
Eh, it still made me feel uncomfortable. It didn't seem anti-sexist at all.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 20, 2015, 12:18:56 PM
i have regret the decision of placing the joke on here
I will slap my friend  :P
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 20, 2015, 01:01:56 PM
A Texan and an English man are riding in their train carriage across Texas
The English man is look out window at a moving paddock of cattle
The Texan Man leans over and says
"That there is my ranch, if you can guess how many cattle are in there, I will give you a hundred bucks"
The English man continues to observe the cattle until the train moves into a tunnel.
He then announces, "2593 cattle"
The Texan man is shocked that he got the number and handed over 100 bucks
He is curious and wanted to know how he got the number at such a quick rate
The English man answered, "Simple really, I could not see all the heads of the cows,
so I counted the legs and divided by four"
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 20, 2015, 01:04:39 PM
i have regret the decision of placing the joke on here
I will slap my friend  :P
No need :P

For those of you who like anti-jokes:
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Get in the car.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 20, 2015, 01:05:24 PM
 ::)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 20, 2015, 01:08:06 PM
I still don't get why anti-jokes are so funny, but they are XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 20, 2015, 01:21:21 PM
What do you call batman and robin after they have been run over by a steam roller?
Flatman and Ribbon.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 20, 2015, 10:14:51 PM
Ace Ventrura: Pet Detective
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: joancasti on March 21, 2015, 02:06:09 AM
Jesus walks into a bar with his disciples.

"Thirteen glasses of water, please," Jesus said to the barman, winking at the others.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 21, 2015, 05:08:12 AM
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to he ugly witch's house.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 21, 2015, 10:08:01 AM
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiots house!
hahahahahahahaha cracks me up every time

Ohh another one wait...

Knock Knock.
'Who's there'
The chicken...

That was mine... :'(

joking ;D
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 21, 2015, 12:03:50 PM
Omg I didn't see that I'm sorry :(
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 21, 2015, 01:59:39 PM
Dat ok  :)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: ChaoticRhymer on March 23, 2015, 01:11:44 AM
So one day this little man from Boston walks into a western saloon. Well this big Texan turns to his friend and says "Watch me make this dude dance." So he go's up to the little man and asks "Hey you're not from around here are you?"
"No sir, I'm from Boston."
"Ever learn to dance?"
''No sir, I never did learn."
"Well I'm gonna teach you, and you'll be surprised how easy it is to learn." He proceeds to empty his gun at the floor near the man's feet. By time he makes it to the door, The Boston man is shaking like a leaf. An hour later the Texas man walks out and hears the sharp click of hammers being pulled back. Looking around, he sees the biggest shotgun he has ever seen only inches from his head.
"Mr. Texan, Did you ever kiss a mule?" asked the Bostonian.
"No," Said the quick thinking Texan, "But I always wanted to."
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 23, 2015, 01:14:30 AM
This is less of a joke and more just a really funny way my friend worded something, but...
Kronos logic: "I'm not going to be nasty like my father was. Sure, my son is destined to kill me, but I won't force him to stay inside his mother. That's cruel. Eating him is much better."
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 23, 2015, 01:15:25 AM
Real genius wasn't he  ::)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 23, 2015, 10:22:33 AM
Chuck Norris and superman took up a bet to see who was better...
The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside for the rest of their life.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 23, 2015, 11:53:15 AM
Chuck Norris can speak Russian...

In Chinese
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 23, 2015, 12:17:04 PM
How many push ups can Chuck Norris do?

All of them.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 23, 2015, 12:23:04 PM
lol

Some people can walk on water...

Chuck Norris can swim through land
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 23, 2015, 12:48:31 PM
Hey, isn't that Chuck Norr...
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 23, 2015, 05:36:22 PM
The American once named a street after Chuck Norris, but after a while they had to changed it...
this was because nobody could cross Chuck Norris and live.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 23, 2015, 08:15:28 PM
If people from Poland speak Polish
What do people from Holland speak?
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 24, 2015, 11:08:12 AM
Dutch
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 24, 2015, 11:38:55 AM
So I've got an mbti joke.

An infp, an intp and an isfp walk into a bar.

Just kidding.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 24, 2015, 12:18:38 PM
I don't get it ???
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 24, 2015, 02:41:50 PM
Ooh, I've got an MBTI joke!

When you have a crush on an INFP: Damn, you FiNe
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 24, 2015, 02:43:15 PM
Lol

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/c9/1b/7b/c91b7b78cd57a27803ae0c8ec28b116f.jpg

I just realized that the infp is fantasizing about dancing with the enfp.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 24, 2015, 03:00:01 PM
I only JUST got these MBTI jokes :P
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 24, 2015, 03:04:11 PM
MBTI jokes are my fav

http://40.media.tumblr.com/3291c369ebfb831e08585ec2e987ddea/tumblr_n0ltqdCmRK1qkhx5fo1_1280.jpg
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 24, 2015, 03:06:42 PM
That is amazing  ;D

Btw, I posted that thread.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 24, 2015, 04:28:10 PM
What are you when life gives you melons?

You are dyslexic
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 24, 2015, 04:51:33 PM
Okay that is a good one.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 24, 2015, 06:24:23 PM
What do you call a cow with four legs?

A cow

What do you call a cow with three legs?

Spoiled milk

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef

What do you call a cow with one leg?

Talented
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 24, 2015, 07:26:56 PM
MBTI jokes are my fav

http://40.media.tumblr.com/3291c369ebfb831e08585ec2e987ddea/tumblr_n0ltqdCmRK1qkhx5fo1_1280.jpg

WAITWAITWAIT. Did you draw that?!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 24, 2015, 07:48:51 PM
Three men want to go to France
once over there they start to learn French
The first one learnt how to say, 'Here I am' in french,
The second learnt, 'Knives and forks'
and the third learnt, 'Goody goody gumdrops'

They decide to go to a restaurant and have a good time
But after eating there were 2 murders in that same restaurant.
The three men were not harmed and were talking to the police

The police: (in French) 'Who did the murder?'
First man: 'Here I am'
The police: 'What type of weapon did you use?'
Second man: 'Knives and forks'
The police: 'And what do you have to say for yourselves?'
Third man: 'Goody Goody Gumdrops.'
 

 
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 24, 2015, 07:58:45 PM
*Applause*

'Friends! Romans! Countrymen! Lend me your ears!'

[Five minutes later]

'Hey you! What's in the bag?'
'Ears!'
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 24, 2015, 08:54:45 PM
Knock knock
who's there?
To
To who?
To WHOM you idiot
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 25, 2015, 12:00:11 AM
MBTI jokes are my fav

http://40.media.tumblr.com/3291c369ebfb831e08585ec2e987ddea/tumblr_n0ltqdCmRK1qkhx5fo1_1280.jpg

WAITWAITWAIT. Did you draw that?!
No, I wish!

What punishment did the thief who stole the calendar get?
12 months
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 25, 2015, 01:10:55 PM
a man is stuck on an island for 52 days with nothing but a calendar
he had water but no food
yet he survived up till a rescue crew picked him up
how did he go with out food?


Every day he ate a sundae from the calendar
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 26, 2015, 02:27:02 PM
About your cat, Mr. Schrödinger - I have some good news and some bad news.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 26, 2015, 05:34:06 PM
That joke both makes sense and yet at the same time doesn't...
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 26, 2015, 06:27:07 PM
I lold

And I didn't
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 26, 2015, 06:57:52 PM
Any man that can hitch the length and breadth of the Galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through and still know where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with.
-Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 26, 2015, 07:04:35 PM
Love that book  ;D
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 26, 2015, 09:25:14 PM
I know this is the wrong thread but...
I am currently reading that book (Re-reading really)
I am up to the bit where they are rescued
though the probability for that happening is
22,079,460,347 to 1 against.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 27, 2015, 11:41:33 AM
Those books are so awesome XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 27, 2015, 12:02:33 PM
Thank you...
I try my best
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 27, 2015, 01:19:41 PM
The Past, Present and Future walk into a bar
it was tense
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 27, 2015, 01:23:54 PM
Love that one.

My teacher said; 'Besly, name two pronouns'

I said; 'Who, me?'
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 27, 2015, 03:22:47 PM
Teacher (to Jimmy): You missed school yesterday. Why?
Jimmy: Sorry Miss, I had a sore arm...
Teacher: Okay, that is understandable.
Jimmy: So I had a terrible aim.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 27, 2015, 03:31:43 PM
Sergeant: 'PRIVATE SMITH!'
Smith: 'YES SIR!?'
Sergeant: 'I DIDN'T SEE YOU IN CAMOUFLAGE PRACTICE TODAY!'
Smith: 'THANK YOU SIR!'
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 27, 2015, 03:39:14 PM
At home we have nicknames we some times use for my brothers
I am: Major. Disturbance
My little Brother is: Private. Parts
My older Brother is: General. Sarcasm
 
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: BlueberryDoughnut on March 27, 2015, 03:52:18 PM
"Sir! We're surrounded by enemy fire!"
"Excellent! Now we can attack in any direction we please!"
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 27, 2015, 03:58:34 PM
A Private accidentally falls in the mud whilst trekking to the enemy lines
The General yells: "Good work man, camouflaging yourself!"
So everyone who where at the back of the line,
who happen to be Majors start to roll in the mud because they wanted to impress the General
When The back of the line reaches the General
The General Yells again:
"Stop playing in the mud, we are on a Battle Field!"
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 27, 2015, 03:59:50 PM
'Sir! They've surrounded us!'
'Poor b@$7@&2s'
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 31, 2015, 03:41:39 PM
MATH

M.ental
A.buse
T.o
H.umans
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 31, 2015, 03:55:37 PM
Latin is a language, as dead as dead can be.
It killed the ancient Romans, and now it's killing me.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on March 31, 2015, 04:22:27 PM
Roses are red
Violets are blue
sugar is sweet
and so are you

But the roses are wilted
The violets are dead
The sugar bowl is empty
And so is your head
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on April 01, 2015, 11:45:36 AM
Michael Johnson, the Olympic Gold Medal runner, was on his way to a club with some friends. At the door the bouncer turned to him and said, “Sorry mate, you can’t come in here; no denim allowed.” Michael was quite annoyed by this and retorted, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Michael Johnson.” To which the bouncer replied, “Then it won’t take you long to run home and change.”
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on April 01, 2015, 12:03:42 PM
(http://triathlonhumor.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/demotivational-posters-this-race.jpeg)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on April 08, 2015, 02:53:20 PM
Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on April 08, 2015, 02:54:30 PM
Q: What’s the tallest building in the world?
A: The library, because it has the most stories.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on April 08, 2015, 02:59:08 PM
A man was driving in his car got a call from his wife on his cell phone. She was really frantic and yelled, “Honey, I just heard on the news that there is a car going the wrong way on the highway! Be careful!”
He replied, “Honey, there isn’t just one, there are hundreds of them!”
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on April 08, 2015, 03:07:17 PM
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on April 08, 2015, 03:16:32 PM
A man was driving in his car got a call from his wife on his cell phone. She was really frantic and yelled, “Honey, I just heard on the news that there is a car going the wrong way on the highway! Be careful!”
He replied, “Honey, there isn’t just one, there are hundreds of them!”
...it took me a second XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on April 08, 2015, 10:58:45 PM
*Very slow clapping*

Every animal has something unique about their species:

Llamas are part camel, part sheep
Puffer fish blow up and have poisonous spikes
Sloths are very slow
Dolphins lick Puffer fish to get high
Snakes have excellent hearing without ears
Emus are huge flightless birds

As you can see every animal is special
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GreyCaboose on April 09, 2015, 03:23:24 AM
A man was driving in his car got a call from his wife on his cell phone. She was really frantic and yelled, “Honey, I just heard on the news that there is a car going the wrong way on the highway! Be careful!”
He replied, “Honey, there isn’t just one, there are hundreds of them!”
...it took me a second XD

I don't get it.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on April 09, 2015, 07:29:34 AM
He replied, “Honey, there isn’t just one, there are hundreds of them!”
Guess who the one car going the wrong way was...
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GreyCaboose on April 09, 2015, 10:57:48 AM
OOOOOOOOOOH
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on May 06, 2015, 10:19:58 PM
Why are little white blobs of fat the best models?

They are always adi-posing
Laugh if you get this...
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on May 06, 2015, 10:25:33 PM
http://theelusivefish.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/CapAmIunderstoodthat.gif
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on May 06, 2015, 10:29:19 PM
http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/11117/111170007/4402336-lokigif4.gif
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: monkeys_r_us on May 08, 2015, 07:30:42 AM
Two guys walk into a bar. A third guy ducks.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on May 09, 2015, 06:39:25 PM
Two Blonds walk into a building

You would have thought at least one would have seen it
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GreyCaboose on May 12, 2015, 12:02:17 AM
Hey! I do not like blonde jokes much, seeing as I am blonde. I understand it was only a joke, but jokes making fun of different types of people (i.e. Blondes, homosexuals, mentally disabled people, African-Americans, those of the Jewish faith, women, etc.) simply tick me off. (And I have heard jokes made about ALL of the kinds of people I listed, and many many more.)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on May 12, 2015, 11:05:50 AM
I am very very very sorry
I completely forgot

Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: |ĸιrα| on May 12, 2015, 11:12:09 AM
I'm blonde and I love dumb blonde jokes lmao


Here's a good joke: my school.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on May 12, 2015, 11:17:11 AM
what about richard jokes?
Basicly blond is replaced with richard
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on May 12, 2015, 11:23:42 AM
eg.

Why did Richard return the scarf to the store?
It was too tight around his neck.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on May 13, 2015, 07:13:22 AM
"Blonde" in those jokes doesn't actually represent blonde people, it represents anyone who is clueless (unless the joke is meant maliciously of course).

Not really a joke, but a nerdy band pick up line: You make my D sharp.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on May 13, 2015, 07:43:47 AM
Yeah exactly. Calm down Cabbie, it's okay, no one takes blonde jokes seriously.

And that is so rude Cat XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on May 13, 2015, 07:48:55 AM
It took me a second but that's terrible XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on May 13, 2015, 07:52:04 AM
This is pick up line thread now k.

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I suck at poetry.
Take your clothes off.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Julia The Bookworm on May 13, 2015, 07:59:39 AM
Great way to woo people, Besly.  :P
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on May 13, 2015, 08:05:34 AM
I don't woo. My friend does tho. Alot. His pick up lines are the stuff of legend.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on May 13, 2015, 08:20:21 AM
Speaking of terrible pick up lines, Enfj puppet theatre just posted a list of MBTI pick up lines. They are as wonderful as you imagine.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: |ĸιrα| on May 13, 2015, 08:24:44 AM
That is...quite the pick up line bravo. I'm trying to think of some I've been told but most relate to game of thrones I believe...
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on May 13, 2015, 08:53:26 AM
Speaking of terrible pick up lines, Enfj puppet theatre just posted a list of MBTI pick up lines. They are as wonderful as you imagine.
I saw that. And the INTJ one was pretty accurate XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on May 13, 2015, 09:24:17 AM
I thought you were ISTJ? They're both awesome tho.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on May 13, 2015, 10:25:06 AM
That was what I got the first time but I've gotten both a few different times and I think INTJ fits me better :P
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on May 13, 2015, 10:42:23 AM
That makes sense. If people have similar percentages in opposing functions they can often switch between them. Like in your case you seem to switch between N and S.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: |ĸιrα| on May 13, 2015, 10:44:53 AM
Been ENFP on every test I've taken.

Got a facial todayyy. I needed it
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on May 13, 2015, 11:06:53 AM
This is still the joke thread XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: |ĸιrα| on May 13, 2015, 11:19:11 AM
Oops. Oh welll. Still got a facial
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on May 13, 2015, 11:52:41 AM
I've gotten INFP a lot as well as INTJ and INTP.

I love the MBTI pick up lines! XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on May 13, 2015, 12:29:33 PM
I know! They so gewd. Which ones your fave? And wait, you've been an Intp?! BE ONE AGAIN. I DON'T WANNA BE ALOOOOONE just kidding Infjs are the best :P
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on May 13, 2015, 12:36:13 PM
I have an Idea for the next time you go to a barista

Make them write Primrose Everdeen on your cup
And when they call it stand up and yell
"I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!"
take the cup and walk out
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Julia The Bookworm on May 13, 2015, 12:43:48 PM
^
Good one, Chairlegs

That makes sense. If people have similar percentages in opposing functions they can often switch between them. Like in your case you seem to switch between N and S.

whenever I take a Myers Briggs personality type test I either always get ISFP or ESFP.
I guess I'm in between them.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on May 13, 2015, 01:05:09 PM
I know! They so gewd. Which ones your fave? And wait, you've been an Intp?! BE ONE AGAIN. I DON'T WANNA BE ALOOOOONE just kidding Infjs are the best :P
I love the ISFJ and ISTJ ones. I have transcended to become the ultimate INxx type. Fear me.

I have an Idea for the next time you go to a barista

Make them write Primrose Everdeen on your cup
And when they call it stand up and yell
"I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!"
take the cup and walk out
This made me spit out my toothpaste. BESLY THIS IS PERFECT FOR YOU. PLEASE DO THIS.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on May 13, 2015, 01:56:20 PM
Those Baristas will never see it coming!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on May 14, 2015, 11:26:51 AM
So doing this. I will try to record a video.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Julia The Bookworm on May 14, 2015, 11:32:04 AM
DO IT!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on May 17, 2015, 09:34:51 AM
Star Bucks have no idea the trouble they are gonna get
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on May 19, 2015, 12:53:11 PM
What does a DNA replication enzyme have in common with a horny teenage boy?
They both want to unzip your genes.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on May 19, 2015, 02:38:57 PM
...

What does a loin with a thorn in its paw and a strom cloud have in common

One roars with pain, the other pours with rain
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Julia The Bookworm on May 19, 2015, 10:23:10 PM
What does a DNA replication enzyme have in common with a horny teenage boy?
They both want to unzip your genes.
I love this one. XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on May 20, 2015, 04:15:54 PM
PANZER XD

And I see what you did there Chairlegs
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on May 20, 2015, 04:58:14 PM
Thank you

Why did the Frog cross the road?
To show his girl friend he had Guts.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on May 20, 2015, 08:31:56 PM
I guess that frog literall got to the Other Side then ;)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on May 20, 2015, 10:56:05 PM
Well...
Bits of him did
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on May 21, 2015, 08:19:34 AM
Eeewww XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on June 01, 2015, 07:39:36 PM
What do you get when you cross Facebook, Twitter, and You tube?

You-Twit-Face

*Two drums and a cymbal*
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on June 02, 2015, 05:23:49 PM
Epic prank to pull on a friend
He/she might no longer be your friend if you do this

Find a local farm and take a cow pat (With gloves and container)
Bring it to your friends door step, place a heat proof mat on the porch
place the cow pat on the mat
(make sure they are home)
light the pat on fire, knock and run
Watch from distance

I call it 'Crispy Poop'
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GreyCaboose on July 09, 2015, 05:23:15 PM
You want a joke?

Me.

(laugh track)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on July 09, 2015, 09:17:30 PM
I heard a joke very recently

If I had a dollar for every time somebody called me ugly...
I would be broke coz Ima perfect lolz later losers[/sub]
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Helena-wa on July 11, 2015, 12:26:45 AM
There are only 3 kinds of people in this world;
Those who know how to count, and those who don't.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on July 11, 2015, 12:53:30 AM
3/2 of people claim to be bad with fractions.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on July 11, 2015, 09:21:31 PM
What do you call a dear with no eyes?

No idea!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on July 11, 2015, 09:22:07 PM
What do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs?

Still No idea!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on July 11, 2015, 09:23:19 PM
What do you call a dear with no eyes no legs and is on fire?

Still no flaming idea!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on July 12, 2015, 12:42:38 AM
Pfff XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on July 12, 2015, 09:49:48 PM
Why don't Koalas carry their babies on their backs?

Because they can't push a pram up a tree!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on July 20, 2015, 09:26:55 AM
Three people are stuck on an deserted Island.
two men and one woman.
They find a lamp and rub it for no apparent reason.
Out pops a genie and gives them each one wish.
The first man says: I wish to have the strength of 100 men to swim to the mainland.
(Unfortunately he swam and swam directly out to sea but did not make it to the mainland)

The second man says: I wish to have the brains of 100 men to build a boat to sail to the mainland.
(Unfortunately he builds his boat and sails directly out to sea but runs into a fierce storm that rips his boat to shreds)

The woman asks the Genie: I wish to have the brains of two women

After this the woman decides that she explores the Island
She walks to the other side of the Island and finds a bridge to to the mainland.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on July 21, 2015, 01:51:13 PM
In that same vein:

A family went to a hospital, where one of their relatives would be having a brain transplant. One of the relatives asked, "What will the cost of a new brain be?" The doctor replied, "A female brain costs $25,000 and a male brain costs $50,000." The men smirked, but one of the females asked, "Why is that, doctor?" "Well," the doctor replied,” the female brain is less because it has been used."
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on July 21, 2015, 03:25:09 PM
Punctuation...
The teacher writes on the board one sentence and she asks all the students to join teams of each gender and to write in the correct punctuation.

The sentence is:
"a woman without her man is nothing"

After a while, the males reveal their answer...
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."

So then the girls reveal their answer...
"A woman; without her, man is nothing."
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on August 03, 2015, 09:49:10 AM
Nice XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GreyCaboose on August 11, 2015, 12:09:00 AM
Haha! Nice!

Three hunters are walking to hunt and come across some tracks.

"Well!" Say the first hunter, "These are deer tracks!"

"You're wrong!" Says the next. "They're moose tracks!"

"Actually, it's elk." Says the third, feeling the tracks with his finger. "Similar, but not the same."

And that was when the train hit them.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on August 11, 2015, 12:35:02 AM
Pfffft XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on August 11, 2015, 02:53:48 PM
What's green and eats nuts?
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on August 11, 2015, 03:06:08 PM
I am slightly afraid to ask, but what?
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on August 11, 2015, 03:24:25 PM
Syphilis.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on August 11, 2015, 05:46:58 PM
(  ゚,_ゝ゚)
...

I want you to picture this sentence and to realize the the whole sentence as a whole and to picture the the whole sentence as nothing but the the sentence. If you re-read the the sentence you will find that the the sentence itself will contort your mind and make you realize that the the word 'the' has been repeated twice every time.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on August 12, 2015, 01:10:04 AM
...that was not okay :o
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on August 12, 2015, 12:59:03 PM
(  ゚,_ゝ゚)
...

I want you to picture this sentence and to realize the the whole sentence as a whole and to picture the the whole sentence as nothing but the the sentence. If you re-read the the sentence you will find that the the sentence itself will contort your mind and make you realize that the the word 'the' has been repeated twice every time.

Good grief Chairlegs. My mind is actually blown.

...that was not okay :o

Not sure whose joke you're talking about. Probably mine. I genuinely thought I had only thought about posting that one DX
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on August 12, 2015, 01:01:27 PM
I was referring to Chairlegs'. I don't think my mind will ever be the same after that...
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on August 12, 2015, 01:08:16 PM
(http://blog.29daysto.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/16Q@0.jpg)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on August 12, 2015, 01:09:21 PM
...can someone explain this?
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on August 12, 2015, 01:09:45 PM
Read them very carefully while keeping in mind Chairlegs' thing.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on August 12, 2015, 01:11:17 PM
...

DAMMIT PAN DON'T DO THIS TO ME
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on August 12, 2015, 01:41:17 PM
PAN IS A WIZARD. WE ARE UNWORTHY.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on August 12, 2015, 02:06:10 PM
Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, t he olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rgh it pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs psas it on!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on August 12, 2015, 02:07:46 PM
Oaky I wlil!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on August 12, 2015, 02:15:17 PM
*nonnative English speakers have an aneurysm*
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on August 12, 2015, 02:16:28 PM
*Not even sorry*
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on August 12, 2015, 02:23:03 PM
The weirdest part is that you can totally tell something is very, very wrong with it, but it doesn't stop you from reading it fluently :P
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on August 12, 2015, 02:23:30 PM
Just like fanfiction!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on August 12, 2015, 02:27:23 PM
Just like fanfiction!
I don't think I've ever agreed with a statement more than this. I mean, just a few hours ago I read a fan fiction where Reid from Criminal Minds gets his hair cut by Draco Malfoy and somehow Crash and Eddie from Ice Age were involved...
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on October 12, 2015, 12:42:05 PM
Random stupid sciencey pun I just made up

What do you say to bid a pharmacist farewell?

Bye, O chemist!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on October 12, 2015, 12:46:00 PM
I'm dying.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on October 12, 2015, 12:50:17 PM
Random stupid sciencey pun I just made up

What do you say to bid a pharmacist farewell?

Bye, O chemist!
Nice XD

Here's one my chemistry teacher put on the board the other day:
How often do you enjoy chemistry puns? Periodically.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on October 12, 2015, 01:02:48 PM
These puns must be made of copper and tellurium because they're so CuTe
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on October 12, 2015, 01:15:46 PM
A neutron walks into a bar, drinks, and then asks for the bill. 'For you,' the waiter says, 'no charge'.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on October 12, 2015, 01:28:07 PM
Last century, Einstein developed a theory about space.

And it was about time, too.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on October 12, 2015, 01:35:25 PM
Why you little.....


Good one.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on October 12, 2015, 01:46:30 PM
Did you hear about the man that was cooled to absolute zero?

He's 0K now.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on October 12, 2015, 01:48:42 PM
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he has any luggage.
'Not me, I'm travelling light!'
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on October 13, 2015, 09:10:32 AM
Two atoms were walking down the hallway when one of them said,
"I think I lost an electron!"
"Really!" the other replied, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm absolutely positive."
 
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: BlueberryDoughnut on October 13, 2015, 09:16:56 AM
What's that? You want me to tell a sodium joke?
K.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on October 13, 2015, 10:29:46 AM
'We don't serve faster than light particles in here!' said the barman.
A neutrino walks into a bar.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on October 13, 2015, 10:33:29 AM
Haha XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on October 13, 2015, 10:35:12 AM
YOU GOT IT? 8D
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on October 13, 2015, 10:36:10 AM
Yes! X3
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on October 13, 2015, 10:40:02 AM
bran twan
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on October 14, 2015, 08:41:22 AM
So there was once a scientist that had a certain debt and he needed to pay molybdenum, neon, yittrium to the mafia. He didn't know what to do. So he called up his friend on a Phosphorus, Hydrogen, Oxygen, Neon, and asked if he could spare anything. He told the scientist that he needed to look after his own Rhenium, Sulfur, Polonium, Nitrongen, Silicon, Bismuth, Titanium, Ensteinium. He quickly hung up and paced his room. The Chlorine, Oxygen, Carbon, Potassium, on the wall was a ticking time bomb.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on October 14, 2015, 08:50:30 AM
I actually understood all of that!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on October 14, 2015, 08:57:31 AM
I got money, phone, and clock, and I was too lazy to decipher the rest :P

What do you get if you cross and elephant and a rhino?
'Ell if I know.
I don't know if this one works at all in text but I hope it does
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on October 14, 2015, 09:12:52 AM
Responsibilities.

It does. Took me a bit, tho :P
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on October 16, 2015, 09:55:10 AM
I want to tell another chemistry joke, but all the good ones Argon.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on October 16, 2015, 11:49:11 AM
Cat, why is your avatar an adorable personification of iodine? It's awesome, but why?
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on October 16, 2015, 11:52:03 AM
Because it is awesome and adorable. Also, 53 is my favorite color. And iodine is amazing. In short, why not? :P
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on October 16, 2015, 11:52:36 AM
53 is your favorite color?
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on October 16, 2015, 11:54:24 AM
Yes. My friend asked me if my favorite color is 82, and I had to confess that it was actually 53. Don't get me wrong tho, 53 is also a splendid number :3
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on October 16, 2015, 12:54:23 PM
Oh, okay.

Here's one I saw on tumblr: Order protons and electrons, and we'll throw in some neutrons free of charge!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on October 16, 2015, 02:56:13 PM
What is a six-sided die's favorite song?

"Take a chance on me" -Abba
 
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on October 16, 2015, 04:13:57 PM
six sided? Pffffft  ::) http://www.gmdice.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/d/1/d100-zocchihedron-white.jpg
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on October 16, 2015, 04:32:34 PM
Phfff
http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/gravityfalls/images/9/9b/S2e13_infinite_dice.png/revision/latest?cb=20150805020356
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on October 16, 2015, 04:44:25 PM
Holy s#*t.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on October 16, 2015, 05:33:44 PM
Why can you never see a elephant hiding in the trees?



They are very good at it.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on October 18, 2015, 08:55:26 AM
Warning this joke is LONG and if you don't want to read it (you are doing yourself a favour)

There is a long white room stretching down a testing facility.
Every day there are three test subjects that are placed in this hallway.
There are no doors or windows that they can escape out of.
They are told to walk down the hall way as far as they can go.
The first test subject reluctantly left the other two and continued to walk down the hallway.
After around 2 kilometres (1.2 Miles) he stumbles across a long streak of red that looked as thick as his thumb that encompassed the roof, floor and walls of the hallway.
Past the red line was an intercom a few feet away.
Knowing that this could mean that he could ask what was going on, he walked across the line and stretched out his hand to touch the intercom.
To his surprise a mechanical arm extends from the wall and slaps his square in the face, then retracts back into the wall.
Still a little shocked his uses the intercom and asked what happened.
They reply in a quite monotone voice that he passed over the slap line in their test.
Being a little afraid of this line now he quickly jumped over it to see if it would work again.
Once again the arm extends and slaps him, this time in mid-air.
He picks himself off the ground and runs down the hallway, away from the intercom and 'slap' line.
He meets with the other and tries to explain the situation.
They say it is ludicrous and offer to walk down with him to see this intercom and red line.

After dragging the nervous test subject down the hallway they reach the intercom. But instead of a red line, there is a blue line.
Waiting to see this slapping machine, the other test subjects look at the original test subject in disbelief.
He wants to prove it to them so he jumps up and runs across the blue line.
This time instead of being slapped, a mechanical leg comes out and boots him in the butt.
He glares back at the other two, who are truly shocked.
The first test subject walks over to the intercom and uses it
Once again in a monotone voice they say it is their boot line of the test.

The other test subjects look at each other and think the same thing. Try to jump over the line at the same time.
The take a small run up and clear the blue line together. But this time, two mechanical legs extend and boot them both in the butt mid-air.
Frustrated the first test subject uses the intercom once again and demands to know what is going on.
They reply that these are only the first sections of the test. As you will continue the lines with increase in the amount of pain they output and will eventually lead to your deaths.
Mortified other two jumps up and use the intercom again to ask what they are to expect.
They say that the next test will be a round house kick
Then an electrocution
Then a stabbing
Then a fire ball the will ultimately consume everyone.

They argue about how this is to dramatic just for a test. That these are way too fast to increase pain levels like that.
They ask the intercom once again if they could see if there were any levels of pain that they missed out.
They reply, no longer in a monotone voice, but in a voice that was unsure.
They said
'Yeah, we did have one that we got rid of...
But now we don't have a punch line.'
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on October 18, 2015, 09:05:47 AM
I've heard a similar one before XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on October 18, 2015, 09:10:59 AM
Oh my XD Chairlefs, I feel like you would personally set up an experiment like that just to make that joke :P
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on October 18, 2015, 10:00:42 AM
How do you contact up a baritone player?

You-Phone-ium
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on October 18, 2015, 10:48:22 AM
Band nerd joke -

How do you contact a baritone player?
Euphonium.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiots house!
hahahahahahahaha cracks me up every time

Ohh another one wait...

Knock Knock.
'Who's there'
The chicken...

That was mine... :'(

joking ;D
Now we're even XD

I just reread through the entirety of this thread and concluded that everyone here is obsessed with GIFs and chemistry jokes :P
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on October 18, 2015, 03:39:13 PM
http://tumblr.tastefullyoffensive.com/post/131394214807/the-name-is-pond-via-zombie421 (http://tumblr.tastefullyoffensive.com/post/131394214807/the-name-is-pond-via-zombie421)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on October 19, 2015, 12:26:48 AM
Huh...
I got that from a meme on our school band meme wall.
Oh well, we is even.
Unless you are in the same band as me?
*GASP* jks

One does not simply forget the difference between a G# and a Ab
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on October 19, 2015, 01:18:36 AM
I may be remembering what I learned in music wrong, but aren't a G# and an Ab the same note? Is that the joke?
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on October 19, 2015, 02:25:53 AM
Yes XD They're enharmonics
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on October 19, 2015, 11:19:51 AM
Never B#
Never Bb
Aways B
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on October 23, 2015, 10:36:56 PM
It's a mix between Jazz and Funk.
It's called... Junk.

-Jerry Seinfeld
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on October 24, 2015, 12:35:04 AM
What's new? Frequency!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on October 24, 2015, 01:17:05 PM
Did you hear about the Mexican Magician?
He said uno... dos...

and then he disapeared without a tres!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on October 24, 2015, 01:19:11 PM
http://www.quickmeme.com/img/42/427fbdca95fb34b8d3bbec8e50ead268b48bd4353db4da139b700c96d4ecd571.jpg
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on November 01, 2015, 06:43:02 PM
How many modadorians does it take to bake a cake?

Three, aparently.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on November 05, 2015, 07:00:52 PM
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one - and let the other one off.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on November 05, 2015, 07:26:07 PM
A baby seal walks into a club...

(http://sc.mogicons.com/l/if-you-know-what-i-mean-127.png)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on November 06, 2015, 01:11:13 AM
I don't get it .-.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Julia The Bookworm on November 06, 2015, 01:14:18 AM
Think about the other meanings of the word " Club" Pan.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on November 06, 2015, 01:25:45 AM
Still not getting it .-.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GreyCaboose on November 06, 2015, 02:20:17 AM
it's a reference to clubbing baby seals
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Time Blitz on November 06, 2015, 06:16:17 AM
What did one wall say to the other?

Meet you at the corner.

 ::)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on November 07, 2015, 07:38:57 PM
Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other: "How do you drive this thing?"
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on November 08, 2015, 02:07:25 AM
Nice XD

What did one ion say to the other? "I've got my ion you!"
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on November 08, 2015, 08:03:31 PM
What is the differnce between a Scientist and a plumber?
How they say Unionized
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on November 09, 2015, 03:20:46 AM
I didn't get that when I first saw it yesterday because I kept reading that as "un-ionized" ::) Nice tho XP

Not really a joke, but http://40.media.tumblr.com/f24e8ec36c72937f4cd1d979e8f6b0e1/tumblr_nshpyzvxFr1qj77y7o1_500.jpg
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on November 09, 2015, 03:34:56 AM
Nice XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Black_Rose on November 10, 2015, 04:14:13 AM
A traveler,very new to America, walks around new York city.
First he walks past an opera house and hears the performance. ME MEMEMEEEE! He starts repeating it.
Second he walks past a restaurant where some hungry children are banging their silverware against the table and chanting: forks and knives! Forks and knives! He starts repeating the two phrases.
Third he walks past a warehouse with a TV playing a glade commercial advertising their new "plug ins" and repeating the phrase: Plug it in! Plug it in!
Next he walks past a murder scene in the. Middle of the street.  "WHO DID THIS?" A police officer asks. "ME MEMEMEEE!" The traveler replies. "What did you kill him with?" The officer looks at him questioningly. "Forks and knives! Forks and knives!" The traveler recites.  "Your getting the electric chair buddy!" The furious police office handcuffs him roughly. The frantic traveler recites his last phrase. "Plug it in! Plug it in!"
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs on November 10, 2015, 08:14:06 PM
Heard that one before but as:

"Who did this?"
1. We did it! (Like yay we did it! *Smiles*)

"What was the murder weapon?"
2. Forks and Knifes!

"Do you have anything to say for yourself?"
3. Goody Goody Gumdrops
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Black_Rose on November 11, 2015, 02:15:27 AM
Heard that one before but as:

"Who did this?"
1. We did it! (Like yay we did it! *Smiles*)

"What was the murder weapon?"
2. Forks and Knifes!

"Do you have anything to say for yourself?"
3. Goody Goody Gumdrops

:D lol
That's one my adopted big bro told me a long while back. I used all of its funnyness telling it to my friends over and over so I though here would bebthe perfect spot to revamp it.
Oh my gosh XD I say goodie goodie gumdrops all the time!
and I totaly feel like that traveler would be me in any country other than America. I literalu know just enough of every language to get me killed in its native country. :P
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on November 14, 2015, 09:48:43 AM
These are actually just ways my chemistry teacher taught us to remember stuff, but...
Bond, ionic bond. Taken, not shared.
CAT-ions are PAWS-itive.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on November 14, 2015, 11:18:49 AM
I have to tell that to my Chemistry teacher :0
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on November 14, 2015, 11:33:40 AM
Which one? :P
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on November 14, 2015, 11:50:48 AM
Both of them, but especially the cation one because she drew a picture of an ion as a cat with plus signs as eyes
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs 2.0 on November 15, 2015, 12:30:25 PM
How can you make a cat go "Wrrrrrffuf" like a dog?


Put it in a freezer for a month
take it out and go at it with a chainsaw
"Wrrrrrffuf"


How do you make a dog go "Meow" like a cat?


Throw a stick in the middle of a road.
*BEEP BEEP BEEP* Meeeeeeoooooowww


P.S. I love animals
I really do
apart from cats
they are evil
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs 2.0 on November 17, 2015, 05:15:25 PM
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.
I used to be a banker but I lost interest.
I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

Do you like these? I can make a puncake with the words "A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tyred." on it
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs 2.0 on December 03, 2015, 11:47:43 PM
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show.

"Look, it's not the same hat!"
"Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!"
"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all.

One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side.

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days.

After a week the parrot finally said, "Okay, I give up. What'd you do with the boat?"
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on December 04, 2015, 01:33:10 AM
Nice XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on December 29, 2015, 09:17:10 AM
I carry bacon in my back pocket and every time I walk past a dog it bites me in the butt.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs 2.0 on January 01, 2016, 05:24:10 PM
After a few days we started to run out of bacon
so we had to rasher-tion it
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs 2.0 on January 14, 2016, 11:18:12 PM
A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril.
He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well."
The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on January 23, 2016, 09:08:42 AM
asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…
He said NaBrO
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on January 23, 2016, 09:49:37 AM
I...I don't know how to respond to puns. But that was an excellent pun XD

Speaking of puns, I made an accidental pun last night when my dog started wagging his tail and knocking stuff off the table and I said "And thus begins the tail of destruction."
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on January 30, 2016, 06:23:52 AM
What do you get when you cut an avacado into 6.02 x 10^23 pieces?
Guacamole

When a mole of moles are digging a mole of holes, what do you see?
A mole of moleasses

I think my chemistry teacher has been waiting all year to tell mole puns and it is beautiful XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on January 30, 2016, 11:47:43 AM
I'M SCREAMING XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on January 30, 2016, 11:53:00 AM
I need to show these to my Chem teacher :D
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on January 30, 2016, 12:00:59 PM
It took my class so long to get the moleasses one XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs 2.0 on January 31, 2016, 04:17:31 PM
What did one orphan say to the other orphan?

Get in the Batmobile
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on January 31, 2016, 09:03:17 PM
DUDE XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs 2.0 on February 01, 2016, 05:24:49 PM
What do you call Batman and Robin after they were hit by a steamroller?


Flatman and Ribbon
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: queenfrogs on February 02, 2016, 12:08:06 AM
haha :D
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs 2.0 on February 02, 2016, 12:40:59 PM
Two stallions are in field
one coughs out loud and has difficulty breathing
The other one says:
"Hey I think your voice might be pony..."

The coughing horse says:
"What do you mean?"

The first one says through a giggle
"You know... A little horse"
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on February 02, 2016, 12:57:22 PM
-_- That was hilarious. [legit tho]
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs 2.0 on February 18, 2016, 10:51:16 AM
A physicist is trying to talk a man out of suicide
They are both standing on top the Empire State Building
The physicist yells to the man.

"Don't Jump! You have so much potential!"
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on February 18, 2016, 11:01:53 AM
PFF
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on February 19, 2016, 11:07:41 PM
Why do ducks had webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs 2.0 on February 29, 2016, 02:19:58 PM
A boy was absent from school for one day
The teacher confronts him the next day
He tells the boy
"You missed School Yesterday!"

The Boy replies
"Yes, My aim was off and I hit the park next door"
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs 2.0 on March 08, 2016, 03:43:53 PM
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lac-tose
(Lack toes)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 08, 2016, 03:44:35 PM
 ;D
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 08, 2016, 03:45:07 PM
Hey, you're back! :D
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 08, 2016, 03:48:11 PM
How did the pajama-ed man escape from jail?
He was slippery
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs 2.0 on March 08, 2016, 06:10:56 PM
I would tell you some more chemistry jokes
but they have seemed to be argon
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 08, 2016, 06:11:55 PM
 ::)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on March 08, 2016, 11:00:57 PM
I would tell you some more chemistry jokes
but they have seemed to be argon
Well, aren't you a boron ::)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GreyCaboose on March 09, 2016, 02:14:40 PM
What do you call a three-humped camel?



Pregnant!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 09, 2016, 02:29:08 PM
Wait did you see Zootopia O_O
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GreyCaboose on March 10, 2016, 12:23:51 AM
Yeah!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 10, 2016, 01:32:25 AM
Can I PM you about it because I have been wanting to talk about that movie so badly O^O
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GreyCaboose on March 10, 2016, 02:20:02 AM
Heck yeah! I'd love to talk more about Zootopia, that movie was great!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: BlueberryDoughnut on August 18, 2016, 03:07:38 PM
In Soviet Russia, the jokes thread posts in you!
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on August 27, 2016, 09:39:58 AM
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says, "I'd like some H2O." The second says, "I'd also like some water. Why are you talking like that? We're not at work anymore." The first chemist goes to the bathroom to cry. His assassination plot has failed.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on August 27, 2016, 09:59:30 AM
LMAO PAN WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT. That's the best thing I've heard all week
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on August 27, 2016, 10:00:37 AM
I don't remember but I am glad you like it XD
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: ChaoticRhymer on August 27, 2016, 10:21:43 AM
I don't get it.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on August 27, 2016, 10:44:11 AM
H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide, which will kill you if you drink it. The first chemist was hoping the second would say "I'll have some H2O, too"
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on August 27, 2016, 12:28:42 PM
OMG PAN I LOVE THAT ONE SO MUCH
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on September 29, 2016, 02:34:25 AM
Did yiu guys know that 3.14% of sailors are pirates?
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GreyCaboose on September 29, 2016, 02:52:19 AM
Oh, that's interesting! I thought that pirates were all dead or arrested, or at the least out of busineoH MY GOD PI RATES OH MY GOD P A N
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: ChaoticRhymer on September 29, 2016, 02:56:26 AM
What, you never heard of Somalia?
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on September 29, 2016, 03:30:02 AM
Wait what I'm confu-OHHHHH
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on September 29, 2016, 03:54:08 AM
8)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Julia The Bookworm on September 29, 2016, 09:21:02 AM
What, you never heard of Somalia?
Pi-rates, Lee.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: ChaoticRhymer on September 29, 2016, 09:25:32 AM
Ohhhhhhh............math joke.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on September 29, 2016, 11:37:36 AM
Ur a sneaky lil shit Pan. I approve ;D
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on September 29, 2016, 11:57:01 AM
I stole it from a poster in my math classroom :P
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Julia The Bookworm on September 29, 2016, 12:34:01 PM
I told this to my mom and she loved it. :P
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on October 13, 2016, 04:45:59 AM
What do you say to a dog giving birth on the sidewalk?
Stop littering!

Why can't you look away from a frog?
They're simply ribbiting.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on October 13, 2016, 10:28:47 AM
-_- good one
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs 2.0 on October 30, 2016, 07:35:44 PM
Yo dawg
We heard you like formula
So we put some calculus in your Cadillac
so you can derive
While you der-rive.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on October 30, 2016, 09:00:44 PM
Dude -_- math puns at your age are a bad sine.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on October 31, 2016, 12:54:58 AM
Yeah you might want to factor that out of your life
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on October 31, 2016, 01:13:48 AM
You just (http://www.symbols.com/gi.php?type=1&id=1653&i=1)med that up
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on October 31, 2016, 01:19:42 AM
But who knows if it'll make a difference?
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on October 31, 2016, 01:21:07 AM
Pi are you asking me?
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on October 31, 2016, 02:33:14 AM
I wanna say a math pun but I don't have anything to add
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on October 31, 2016, 02:53:47 AM
I guess we're approaching the limit of this kind of joke :P
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs 2.0 on November 02, 2016, 02:36:27 PM
Like like science jokes.
And I like to rubidium.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on November 02, 2016, 02:44:19 PM
Someone post a picture of a square
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on November 02, 2016, 03:10:34 PM
(http://www.easycoloring.com/img/shapes/square-small.jpg)
???
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on November 02, 2016, 03:34:40 PM
Rad Square.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on November 02, 2016, 04:15:50 PM
That just cancels out though
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on November 02, 2016, 05:45:19 PM
But.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on November 03, 2016, 12:34:00 AM
What
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on November 03, 2016, 12:34:46 AM
no o^o
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on November 03, 2016, 12:37:13 AM
???
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on November 03, 2016, 12:37:40 AM
i tried to math joke o^o
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on November 09, 2016, 04:51:43 PM
Adam and Eve: the first people not to read the Apple terms and conditions
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on November 09, 2016, 07:22:38 PM
B E A U T I F U L
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on March 18, 2017, 03:48:11 AM
So I accidentally made a terrible pun in physics and didn't even notice at first

We were wondering why rotational work still uses W when all the other rotational whatnots get fancy Greek letters

So we started talking about using psi, 'cause hey, psi looks kinda cool

But my physics teacher said psi is already used for something else

So I said that you can't just decide on a letter

You can't just decide

Depside
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on March 18, 2017, 10:13:07 AM
You sparkling word squeezer you.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs 2.0 on April 05, 2017, 10:23:27 AM
Our building maintenance guy had to undergo surgery the other day and have his legs amputated...

Now he's just a handyman.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on April 05, 2017, 11:36:24 AM
U lil shit ;D
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on April 05, 2017, 12:04:35 PM
Ur a witty
lil shit
I'll give u that m8
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on April 05, 2017, 12:05:05 PM
Ur a witty
lil shit
I'll give u that m8
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs 2.0 on April 10, 2017, 12:48:13 PM
hehe
I was holding back but
PUNS GALORE

A penguin only finishes his house when igloos it together
A racing horse's life is always on track
Bakers share recipes on a knead to dough basis
An experienced carpenter really nails the job
A trainee however just screws everything up
A bakery that burned down is a business that is toast
Disorganised aquatic animals are otter chaos
The french cheese factory that blew up had de-brie everywhere
The delivery service for the post office is a mail dominated industry
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on April 11, 2017, 11:18:33 AM
I don't even know what to say
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs 2.0 on October 08, 2017, 01:59:58 PM
I thought this one up myself

The once was an office block. Inside where the oddballs of the evil corporation that specialised in infiltration. They had four employees working in the building and every single one of them had this special ability.
There was Glutton, who had the ability to eat anything that crossed his path. Steel, concrete, anything.
There was Deceiving, who had the ability to lie his way out of any situation with a straight face.
There was Memory, who had the ability to remember anything she has seen in the past.
And then there was Looks.
Looks was by far the most powerful one of them all. He could shapeshift into any human being on the planet and essentially become them, hence ‘Looks’.
One of his tactics in his line of work was to turn into one of his co-workers and pose as them, so they could sneak in undetected.
However, this also posed an issue in the workspace. Looks would often change shape to look like his co-workers to get out of work, or even prank his fellow employees.
However, there was one flaw in his ability though. There was a blemish on the back of his neck that always transferred over when he changed to look like somebody.
So, every time Glutton and Memory would walk into the office and see Deceiving, they would have to double check for that little blemish on the back of his neck.
Because, you know, Looks can be Deceiving.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on October 08, 2017, 02:04:11 PM
XD I kinda wanna see that premise made into an anime now
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: rarepepe on October 09, 2017, 02:12:00 AM
XD I kinda wanna see that premise made into an anime now
Me too (http://lanaboards.com/public/style_emoticons/default/stareney2.png)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on October 10, 2017, 12:22:55 PM
I thought this one up myself

The once was an office block. Inside where the oddballs of the evil corporation that specialised in infiltration. They had four employees working in the building and every single one of them had this special ability.
There was Glutton, who had the ability to eat anything that crossed his path. Steel, concrete, anything.
There was Deceiving, who had the ability to lie his way out of any situation with a straight face.
There was Memory, who had the ability to remember anything she has seen in the past.
And then there was Looks.
Looks was by far the most powerful one of them all. He could shapeshift into any human being on the planet and essentially become them, hence ‘Looks’.
One of his tactics in his line of work was to turn into one of his co-workers and pose as them, so they could sneak in undetected.
However, this also posed an issue in the workspace. Looks would often change shape to look like his co-workers to get out of work, or even prank his fellow employees.
However, there was one flaw in his ability though. There was a blemish on the back of his neck that always transferred over when he changed to look like somebody.
So, every time Glutton and Memory would walk into the office and see Deceiving, they would have to double check for that little blemish on the back of his neck.
Because, you know, Looks can be Deceiving.

I love you. That's beautiful.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs 2.0 on October 13, 2017, 03:40:41 PM
I'm glad I could assist
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs 2.0 on December 13, 2017, 11:35:29 PM
Some Nutcase decided to rob a bank the other day. He kept on screaming at the employees, "Give me all the cashew have!"
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on December 15, 2017, 05:34:41 PM
=_=

What did the 1 say to the 10?
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on December 15, 2017, 05:38:47 PM
History has its eyes on you
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on December 15, 2017, 05:41:17 PM
That was beautiful omg.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on December 15, 2017, 05:41:50 PM
I am curious what the punchline was though
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on December 15, 2017, 05:42:27 PM
I was gonna quote whoever responded first but my heart has been warmed and my cruelty blunted. ::)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Panzercrappitastica on December 15, 2017, 05:43:11 PM
Oh ::)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: GeeBeezy on December 15, 2017, 05:52:16 PM
Don't judge me. ::)
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Catvomitsky on December 16, 2017, 01:09:41 AM
Actual correct answer:
That was beautiful omg.
Title: Re: Jokes?
Post by: Chairlegs 2.0 on January 14, 2018, 10:45:06 PM
I would hate to be a concreter. I'll get stuck with paving Cul-de-sacs and that seems like a dead end job.