Scott Westerfeld Forum

Scott's Books => Uglies / Pretties / Specials / Extras => Topic started by: Shay-la-wa on June 26, 2010, 06:51:38 AM

Title: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 26, 2010, 06:51:38 AM
Okay I'm working on a fan-fic. It's kind of three years before the books, but the book charries do make appearances! So here's the very short first chapter!

TRICK

     I awoke to find the sun shining in the window. I sat up on my bed and looked in the mirror. The same old me, with the too close-together eyes, the annoying freckles, and the
black hair. Oh crap, and the black was fading. I hate it when it does that. Brown is such a lame hair color. But I won't have to care much longer. In only two weeks and one day, I'll be a pretty. Perfect, carefree, and happy. But until then, I'll just live a normal life.
     I ate my normal breakfast of bacon and pancakes - with sugar, not syrup. I remembered to put my interface ring on today, so no one could suspect anything. But tonight... I relished the thought. I slipped out the door and through the hallway. Heads turned as I walked past. I'm quite popular around here.
     You see, I'm a very tricky little girl. Well, not exactly little, since I'm going to be sixteen soon. But you get the point. All the other uglies wished they could be as awesome as me. Dream on, guys!
     Once I got outside, I looked around. The sun was high in the sky. I usually don't sleep this long, for the record. Some of the other uglies were playing soccer. I don't really get sports. They're just not fun. But I do like hoverboarding.                  
     Speaking of hoverboarding, I'm better than anyone else I know. Except for one boy, but he must be pretty now. He moved out of my dorm about three months ago. I never actually met him, but I did see him out hoverboarding on the slalom course at night. He's amazing.
     I got on my hoverboard and rode out to the slalom course to practice. I've mastered the course, but there's always room for improvement.
    
     I hoverboarded the day away, without even falling off. For a klutz like me, that's quite an accomplishment. Once the sun was starting to go down, I went back to my dorm. I ate my supper of spaghetti, got all ready for bed, and sat down on my bed.
     It was getting really late, but on the other side of the river, New Pretty Town was just waking up. Those pretties would be partying all night again. And I'd be going over there tonight...
     At the time I normally went to bed, I took off my ring and set on my bedtime table. "Good night," I said. In theory, I curled up under the covers and went to sleep. In reality, I jumped out the window, landing with a muffled thump on the cool grass. The sky was darkening, and the stars were starting to come out.
     I hopped on my hoverboard. I knew what I was doing, though, to tell the truth I hadn't done it before. I hovered towards the river. The river was deeper than usual this month. I wondered if that would affect anything. Oh, well, I thought, Don't I need a bit of adventure?
     Cautiously, I hoverboarded over the river. About halfway across, my board wobbled. But I didn't let that faze me. I got to the other side easily. But there was no time to congratulate myself, because I heard footsteps approaching.
     I quickly ducked into the nearest bush, and not a second too late. Someone - no, two someones - walked past. I thought they were wardens, but then I realized, they were just pretties, going down to see the river or something. But I still couldn't let them see me. I ducked further into the bush and waited for them to leave.
     Apparently, they liked this spot, because they didn't leave for fifteen minutes.
     When they finally left, I was about ready to jump out and kill them. I'm glad I didn't, though. Or am I?
     I slinked around the edges of the buildings, until I found one mansion that was wide open. Party crashing time!
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Hope-la on June 26, 2010, 06:57:17 AM
Niiicee, I really like this! Write more, write more please!

One thing, though--in the beginning it mentioned that your main character (what is her name?) is better than anyone she knows at hoverboarding. Then, just a few sentences later, it says: "I hoverboarded the day away, without even falling off. For a klutz like me, that's quite an improvement." These facts obviously conflict with each other, you might want to change it. But other than that......

Please write more!!  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 26, 2010, 07:01:28 AM
Oh, her name's Obsidian. ;D And I don't see how that contradicts, because she's a klutz, so not falling off IS an accomplishment. And I've got four whole chapters done, I'm just posting them one at a time. Here's the second one. It's WAAAAAY too short, but I didn't have many ideas.

FOILED

  This would be some of the most fun in my life. I slipped into the mansion unnoticed. The pretties were having too much fun to notice one little ugly.
     I suddenly realized something. What would I gain from crashing this party? But there was no time to second guess myself. I snuck into the elevator.
     Well, looking back on this, if I hadn't done this, my life would've been extremely lame. But at the time, I had no idea.
     I slipped out of the elevator, glad this was a costume party. There were even people dressed up as uglies. I managed to blend into the crowd, though the pretend uglies couldn't remember having a ninth member to their group.
     Suddenly, a boy stepped out of the elevator. He couldn't have been too old of a pretty, because he was alone, without a clique. He had dirty blonde hair, and light blue eyes. I had the sudden feeling I'd seen him somewhere before, but he wasn't all that familiar.
     I nearly died when he walk right towards me. He looked at me curiously.
     "You're not...", he murmured. He looked around, then whispered, "Follow me."
     I couldn't help but follow him. He really was cute. So he brought me to a deserted corner.
     "What are you doing here? You shouldn't be here." He paced back and forth Then he seemed to have an idea. "Leave, before any of the other pretties see you. They won't be so welcoming if they do."
     "But I-"
     "Yeah, I know. 'wanted to crash the party'. Don't. Soon enough, you'll be having all the fun you want. But take it from me, being a pretty isn't all it's cracked up to be. Oh, by the way, my name's Jay. Ping me!"
     And so, that ended my party crashing idea. As though I'd even want to ping this Jay guy. But maybe I would, to make him happy.
     Defeated, I went back to my dorm and went to bed. What had he said? That being a pretty wasn't fun? No, that wasn't it. Oh well. I went to sleep.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Hope-la on June 26, 2010, 07:05:41 AM
Ooh! The plot thickens! This is so good!

And yes, it does contradict--if she's better than anyone she knows at hoverboarding, she's probably not a klutz at it, as there's probably some very good hoverboarders that she knows. Maybe she could be a klutz in general, but when she's hoverboarding she regains balance? (Sorry if I sound too nit-picky. It's good, really!)
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 26, 2010, 07:10:40 AM
Haha, you're right it does contradict... Oh well, she's just good on a hoverboard. And here's chapter three!

SOME NEW FRIENDS

     The next morning, I had absolutely nothing to do. Oh well, I'll just ping that Jay guy., I decide.  I put on my interface ring and sent him a short ping. Why did you tell me to ping you? I waited impatiently for an answer. Then he pinged me back: Holy crap. You woke me up. Don't ping me so early. I wanted to hang out or something, but I'm not feeling too good.
     I stared in disbelief at what the pretty had typed. Why would he want to hang out with me? I just don't get it.
     I pinged him back: You wanted to hang out... with me? That doesn't make sense. Pretties and uglies don't mix.
     Well, never mind then, he said (well, not actually said, but you get the point), We won't hang out. Just leave me alone then. I've got a nasty hangover.
     I chuckled softly to myself. Pretties and their champagne.
     I ate some bacon and went out hoverboarding again. I had to get that turn just right.
     After being frustrated for a while, I finally made the turn. "VICTORY!" I shouted. And then I slammed into a slalom flag.
     I looked up from my embarrasing position on the ground to see that I'd attracted a crowd. "Oh, crap. Just what I needed." I rubbed my forehead. "Ouch."
     One little boy walked up to me. He was still kind of cute, probably only thirteen. Or twelve. He had dark black hair - almost too dark. He must have dyed it, like mine.
     "Are you all right?", he asked, "That must've hurt. Oh well, bad luck. You're really good, though."
     There were four other boys standing behind him. They looked a bit younger than him.
     "Yeah. Maybe you could teach us a bit?" the youngest-looking one asked hopefully. Five pairs of eyes, widened hopefully, stared at me.
     I rolled my eyes. "I'm not that good.... Oh, okay. Wait, what are your names?"
     "I'm Zane," the oldest said, "And this is Croy, Astrix, Ryde and Ho."
     "Great. I'm Obsidian. We'll get started after lunch."
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Hope-la on June 26, 2010, 07:18:19 AM
I love how you put in Zane & Co., it's so icy! But wait.... no Shay? Where's Shay?
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 26, 2010, 07:21:08 AM
Shay didn't meet them yet. I always saw her coming in later. Don't worry they'll meet Shay. *whispers* Jay's her brother! And here's the last chapter I've got so far.

JAY

     "Okay, turn that way, quickly!" The boy fell off his hoverboard. "Oh, not quick enough. It's all right, Astrix. Better luck next time." The others laughed.
     "And Croy, if you think it's that funny, try it yourself." Croy, the youngest, jumped on his hoverboard and made the turn perfectly. The boys resumed their laughing.
     I suddenly felt I was being watched. I whirled around, and there was that pretty, Jay! I stared at him. "What the hell are you doing here?"
     "Hey, it's a public park. Calm down. I'm allowed to be here." 
     I was still stunned. "But only uglies ever come here. Why would you find this fun?"
     "Well, I was coming over here just to hang around. I love this place. It brings back the memories." He frowned. "Well, most of them, anyways..."
     The boys all looked at Jay funny. He looked funny at them, too. They seemed to be having some sort of staring contest. I gave them a confused look and Jay blinked quickly. "Sorry, they started it."
     I turned back to the younger kids. "Well, it was nice meeting you! I gotta go now." I hoverboarded off into the trees. Jay chased after me, shouting.
     I sat down on a stump, wondering if Jay could've followed me all the way out here.
     As if on cue, a voice called out, "Oh, there you are! Why did you run awa-AAAH! SPIDER!" He came running out from behind a bush, brushing the spider off of him. The spider landed on the ground, and he promptly stomped on it until it was just a tiny smear.
     "What did you do that for?" I shouted, "Now it's gonna rain!"
     "Oh, well... I like the rain, anyway."
     "Well, could you stop following me, at least? You're scaring me."
     Jay frowned. "You don't like me?"
     "No, you're just scaring me."
     "How could I be scaring you? I'm not a Special or anything. If I was, I'd be glad you were scared.
     I laughed. "Special Circumstances? Yeah, right. As if they actually existed."
     Jay's face was suddenly serious. "Oh, they're real all right. They've got an HQ right down in the...... er, north-south of the factory belt.
     "North-south?" I snorted.
     "Yeah. North-south." He pointed in a random direction. "Or... maybe it was this way......... I don't know! I haven't got a position-finder on me!"
     I held in a laugh. "There is no North-south, Jay."
     "Oh yeah? Well...... You're probably right..." he admitted, defeated. "But that's not what I was here to say. I was wondering if maybe we could do some hoverboarding... I'm a little out of practice, you might say."
     I considered it for a minute. "Well," I sighed, "I guess so. Meet me at the course tomorrow."
     Jay smiled. "Sure thing."
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Hope-la on June 26, 2010, 07:24:38 AM
Cool.... I always wondered where Shay got her rebelliousness from.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 26, 2010, 07:26:48 AM
Yeah I noticed how similar they were after a bit... at first, I just wanted to make them related because of my obsessiveness with Shay.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Hope-la on June 26, 2010, 07:27:37 AM
Always a good reason!  ;)
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 26, 2010, 07:28:34 AM
I'm working hard on the fifth chapter.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Hope-la on June 26, 2010, 07:31:21 AM
Let me know as soon as it's done! I always want to write, and maybe something like this, but whatever I do write is... well.... 'blah'. And, all right, I get sidetracked..... *cough* thisforumistooaddicting *cough*
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 26, 2010, 07:33:11 AM
Yeah, same. I'm working on this story because the novel ideas are hard to start. And have to be my own. This is a whole world, I just had to add a couple characters.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Hope-la on June 26, 2010, 07:36:36 AM
I know exactly what you mean. We had to write this journal about a novel from the main character's point of view for Language class, and I whipped up like 30 pages in a week. Whereas when you try to create your own characters and world.... well.... need I say more?
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 26, 2010, 07:38:23 AM
We had to write a sequel to The Lightning Thief in two pages. It was hard at first, but I invented a character and also threw Shay into there, and it ended up being 12 pages! And nowhere near finished.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Hope-la on June 26, 2010, 07:41:45 AM
Awesome!!
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 26, 2010, 07:43:00 AM
Actually, I might make THAT into a fan-fic, too. Only finished and better. Actually, my teacher was mad and made me LOSE marks for it being too long.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Hope-la on June 26, 2010, 07:44:44 AM
Really? My teacher probably took a while to read through it (it was 31 pages, typed, single-spaced. Hee hee) but I ended up getting an A+ on everything but concise. Wonder why.  ::)
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 26, 2010, 07:46:27 AM
Well, my English teacher is an evil creeper.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Hope-la on June 26, 2010, 07:48:01 AM
Well, my English teacher is an evil creeper.
......
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 26, 2010, 07:48:24 AM
IT'S TRUE!!!
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Lorelai-wa on June 26, 2010, 08:16:05 AM
when do i bedcome part of the pic?
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Hope-la on June 26, 2010, 08:17:02 AM
IT'S TRUE!!!
Not arguing, okay? just not sure how to react.....
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 26, 2010, 08:18:00 AM
when do i bedcome part of the pic?
Ehh.... What? Oh sure I'll put you in there somewhere... It's not really based on the RP... I just felt like including Jay because he's the best character I've ever invented.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Lorelai-wa on June 26, 2010, 08:19:29 AM
Oh okay.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 26, 2010, 08:21:15 AM
Actually, maybe I'll throw all the RP characters in there...... And the uglies could be Smokies!
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Lorelai-wa on June 26, 2010, 08:21:47 AM
COOL!!![get skype shay u should.]
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 26, 2010, 08:23:52 AM
No. I have no idea what Skype is, sadly.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Lorelai-wa on June 26, 2010, 08:24:52 AM
it is were you im for free goolge it.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Hope-la on June 26, 2010, 08:25:05 AM
It's a webcam program, Team Shay.

Eh.... Skype? With random people? Sorry, I have it, but that is a MAJOR breach of security for me. Maybe it's alright with you guys to have random people you'll never meet in real life seeing what you look like and sound like and where you live looks like, but no thanks. Not for me.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 26, 2010, 08:25:52 AM
I'd love to, but I don't have a webcam.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Lorelai-wa on June 26, 2010, 08:27:17 AM
you don't need one to instant message which is the only thing i really do on it and fleem is the same i think.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 26, 2010, 08:28:14 AM
Hmm... I might... But I'm prob too young.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Hope-la on June 26, 2010, 08:29:12 AM
I'm 12 and I do Skype.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 26, 2010, 08:30:33 AM
Oh so I can too yay!
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Lorelai-wa on June 26, 2010, 08:31:48 AM
YEP! and i am always signed in and always anwser anytime of the day as longs as i am awake and not away from the condo or in the bathroom.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 26, 2010, 08:40:05 AM
Heeey this topic's gaining popularity! Look! Guest      05:32:02 PM     Viewing the topic My Uglies Fan-fic!.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Lorelai-wa on June 26, 2010, 08:41:12 AM
LOL!  [so you getting skype?]
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 26, 2010, 08:45:10 AM
Maybe when my parents aren't home to catch me.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Lorelai-wa on June 26, 2010, 08:46:13 AM
which is when?
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 26, 2010, 08:47:06 AM
I think... Monday...
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Lorelai-wa on June 26, 2010, 08:48:20 AM
Um ok i can wait until then.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: PATT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! on June 27, 2010, 01:35:03 AM
Well, my English teacher is an evil creeper.
whats his name i cant remember
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 27, 2010, 09:00:09 AM
Well, my English teacher is an evil creeper.
whats his name i cant remember
*scary music plays* Mr Biafore... *DUN DUN DUNNNN* But he's leaving, so you'll never meet him.

But that's waaaaaaay off-topic! The point was to give me some ideas for my fan-fic's future!!!
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Hope-la on June 27, 2010, 09:01:18 AM
I will NOT be any help on that front.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 27, 2010, 09:50:48 AM
HEY EVERYONE! CHAPTER FIVE!!!

CRUSH

     Early that morning, I stood in the park, waiting impatiently for Jay. He said he'd be here today. Oh well, I'll get started without him. I got on my hoverboard.

     Eventually, Jay showed up on his hoverboard. I pretended to not notice him, until he was suddenly hoverboarding right behind me. I jumped -bad idea when moving - and fell off of my hoverboard.
     When I was about to hit the ground, I was suddenly caught by my crash bracelets and yanked painfully upright. I forgot I was even wearing them. I normally don't.
     I expected Jay to laugh, but instead he got off his hoverboard and ran toward me, wide-eyed. "You okay?" he asked.
     "Yeah. Fine. I fall a lot."
     "Oh, good. I normally hurt myself when I fall."
     "Well, let's keep going. And don't startle me like that!"
     
     We kept on hoverboarding until late in the afternoon, when Jay left to get ready for a party. I felt so alone after that. And hungry. I went to my dorm to get something to eat.
     Bored, with nothing to do, I decided to just go to bed early.
     I was almost asleep when someone pinged me. I looked at the ping. It was from my friend Ryley. Hey Obsidian, wanna watch the pretties tonight?
     I don't usually turn down these things, but I pinged her back, Nah. I don't really feel like it. Tomorrow, maybe?
     I fell asleep before I even got a ping in return.

     The next morning, I got myself a cup of juice and some pancakes. I looked out the window and nearly dropped my plate. There was Jay, standing right there!
     "What the hell are you doing?" I shout at him, a little harsher than I had intended.
     "Just visiting," he replied innocently, "Why, are you going to flip out at me or something? I haven't done anything wrong." He pouted. "Fine, I'll leave now then." He made a big show of turning around and returning to New Pretty Town.
     I rolled my eyes, glad he was gone. Will he ever stop following me?
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Hope-la on June 27, 2010, 11:06:06 AM
Nice. It's really intriuging with Jay--why is he so interested in Obsidian? Me likey!

I can only notice one grammar mistake, and I'm a grammar guru.  ::) In the very first paragraph, you say, "Early that morning, I stood in the park, waiting impatiently for Jay. He said he'd be here today." Since you're writing in past tense, "today" should be switched, so maybe the sentence could read "he said he would be there." But other than that, great job!
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Mara-la on June 27, 2010, 11:57:37 AM
Imma confu.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Hope-la on June 27, 2010, 09:48:52 PM
Imma confu.
???
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: PATT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! on June 28, 2010, 02:03:14 AM
Well, my English teacher is an evil creeper.
whats his name i cant remember
*scary music plays* Mr Biafore... *DUN DUN DUNNNN* But he's leaving, so you'll never meet him.

Yeah i know i know who my teachers are already
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Cola on June 28, 2010, 11:06:22 AM
I love it! But things happen too quickly in the first few chapters (1-3), it seems to me like it's just a list of what Obsidian does.  But keep writing!!
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 29, 2010, 12:39:16 AM
Hmm well there's not really much action yet I'm trying to build up a plot...
I know what'll happen later, but until then I'm trying to fill space.
Once the actual story starts, the chapters will get longer.
Title: Re: My Uglies Fan-fic!
Post by: Shay-la-wa on June 30, 2010, 02:25:59 AM
PREPARATIONS

     The next six days went past very quickly; I'd go out hoverboarding with the younger kids, the sun shone, and Jay was always there somewhere.
     What's with him? He can't leave me alone. It's not like I'm super attractive or funny or anything. And he's a pretty. What could he see in me?
     Oh well, I shrugged that question off. I'd be a pretty soon enough. Then maybe we'd get along. Only five more days.
     Then suddenly a thought occurred to me. I'd have to do some huge trick just before I turned pretty. Maybe I could even go out to the ruins. That would be cool. And fairly easy, too.
     But I wouldn't go alone. And none of my friends would want to go with me. Maybe...
     Jay suddenly appeared behind me, startling me out of my thoughts. "You've got to stop doing that!" I told him.
     "Sorry, I thought you'd be paying attention. I don't teleport or anything..."
     "Actually, I was thinking..."
     "Thinking what? What were you thinking?"
     "I was thinking, Jay... You up for an adventure?"
     Jay frowned. "Adventure? You mean, like, running away? To the Smoke or something?"
     I'll admit, I was surprised that Jay knew about the Smoke. I really didn't expect that. He just didn't seem the rebellious type. "No, not all the way out there. Just to the ruins. You know, stay the night out there, then come back before anyone finds out."
     Jay considered the idea for a minute, then his face lit up. "Well, when do we leave?"
     "I was thinking tonight."
     "Sounds great. I'll go get ready." He seemed to think I actually wanted to go anywhere with him. Well, maybe I actually did. But I wasn't about to ruin his happiness either way, was I? I went back to my dorm to figure out what I should bring.