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Author Topic: My First Fanfic!!!!!!!!!!  (Read 978 times)

Bea-la

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My First Fanfic!!!!!!!!!!
« on: February 06, 2011, 11:49:40 AM »

 This is my first fanfic, it's about how David got his eyebrow scar.  Feel free to tell me if it sucks, (which it probably does) but here it is:


David's Eyebrow Scar
   The fire crackled softly in the darkness of the night.  Tally sat on a log facing David.  She studied him, his scarred, ugly face illuminated by the fire.  "David" , Tally said softly.  "What?" David  asked, pulling his eyes from the fire.  "Can you just answer one question for me?" Tally said curiously.  "Sure" he replied. 
"How did you get your scar?"
"This ?" David asked, tapping the scar on his eyebrow. 
"What else?"
"It's actually not a very exciting story" he groaned.
"Please tell me!!!"  Tally pleaded, her flash tattoos whirling.
"Fine" David said, rolling his eyes.  "I got it the first day I entered the Rusty ruins alone , I think I was either 13 or 14 and I decided to go explore the ruins without Maddy or Az.  They were hesitant to let me go alone so they were going to take me, but one of the founding  Smokies was sick so Maddy was taking care of them  and Az was busy recruiting. So I left the still forming Smoke on a hoverboard with nothing but  food, water, an emergency whistle, and a dagger."
"Did you hit a tree on your hoverboard?" Tally asked.
"Actually, my problems weren't in traveling there, but when I got to the ruins, I hoverboarded in, I was just in the outskirts when it happened," he continued.
"I was just exploring, I walked when I didn't have metal underneath me and hoverboarded when I could find metal.  Everything was fine until I saw someone that you are very familiar with Tally."
"Who?" Tally asked.
David stared into the fire intensely.  "I didn't know who it was then, but that day I saw Dr.Cable."     Tally gasped.
"I had no idea at the time, but she had just gotten the special surge, specials had been around for awhile, but Cable had just perfected the surge, giving specials their ultimate strength, reflexes, and their horrifying look, she had just gotten it and was trying out her new abilities in the ruins.  I saw her and was immediately horrified, I thought she was some psycho survivor of the crash.  When she saw me I guess she thought that, one, I had seen too much and something had to be done, and second,  wouldn't killing me be the perfect way to try out her new surge? She charged at me faster than I could have imagined.  I stabbed at her with my dagger, I got her, it stopped her enough to give me the chance to start running, but it didn't even come close to killing her or even injuring her.  I knew from what I had just seen that there was no way that I could beat this person physically, I would have to outsmart her. I thought up a plan as I ran, the one way to escape her would be to get into the woods and lead her to the bank of a lake in the woods. I knew that the it had been on the brink of collapse.  If I could lure Cable to that spot I could possibly escape her."
"I can't believe it" Tally whispered, "you where Cable's first victim in a way."
David nodded.  "I couldn't remember running that fast, but soon I realized that she would have caught up to me by then, I kept looking over my shoulder, until I saw her lurking behind the trees.  She was following me.  I should have known that she would be able to tell from my clothes that I didn't live in the city and that would certainly raise some eyebrows.  I realized that she would follow me all the way to the Smoke, unless I stopped before then.  I smiled knowing I could lead her right to the waterfall.  When I finally got to the waterfall I took the emergency whistle out of my pocket, I looked off into the woods and blew the whistle.  I had to make Cable thinking she was crashing some secret conspiracy.  I sat down a few feet from the crumbling piece of bank.  I waited horrified, until Cable came.  When she attacked it was horrifying, she flew towards snatching me and picking me up off the ground. She turned her back to the bank. With her sharp, special teeth clenched her chilling, razor voice uttered the famous words for the first time "I don't want to hurt you, but I will if I have to."  With that I smashed my head against hers, my eyebrow scraping against her piercing, sharp teeth.  She stumbled backwards, the bank caving in underneath her.  I fell down, managing to grab a root as I fell I pulled myself up, boarded my hoverboard and road away, back to the Smoke never looking back.  I always had guessed that she had died after falling into the waterfall... but all the fall had done was given Cable the drive to destroy, to be special. "
"I can't believe it"  Tally whispered.
"I never knew it was Cable"  David said slowly," not until later when she killed my dad and crashed the Smoke."
There was a long silence " I don't know what to say" David muttered. "I..."
"Well I do know what to say" Tally anounced. "If anyone ever does anything like that to you again... well let's just say that I will want to hurt then and I will have to."
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Beth-la

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Re: My First Fanfic!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #1 on: February 06, 2011, 12:37:02 PM »

Sweet! I LOVE it! You write really well!
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Bea-la

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Re: My First Fanfic!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #2 on: February 06, 2011, 12:39:29 PM »

Thank you!  I love to write and I was foruming one day and was like "why am I not writing fanfics".  I'm going to right some more eventually.
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Vanilla Ice cream

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Re: My First Fanfic!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #3 on: February 06, 2011, 01:16:27 PM »

nice job!!! I love it!!! :)
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Bea-la

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Re: My First Fanfic!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #4 on: February 07, 2011, 12:19:40 AM »

Thankies  :)
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Mara-la

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Re: My First Fanfic!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #5 on: February 07, 2011, 01:37:06 AM »

Itsgood:)
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Bea-la

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Re: My First Fanfic!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #6 on: February 07, 2011, 01:37:39 AM »

 :)
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Jess-la(:

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Re: My First Fanfic!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #7 on: February 07, 2011, 03:48:18 PM »

that's great  :)
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Treya-Chan

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Re: My First Fanfic!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #8 on: February 08, 2011, 05:48:25 PM »

AWESOME!
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Bea-la

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Re: My First Fanfic!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #9 on: February 09, 2011, 12:03:27 AM »

 ;D
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