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Author Topic: CONFESSIONS.  (Read 740986 times)

|ĸιrα|

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Re: CONFESSIONS.
« Reply #23910 on: May 14, 2020, 04:23:02 PM »

Ugh I feel like I’m going through a whole grieving process rn and it just hit me. But for months and months I’ve been looking for the stuff from my bedroom I packed when my parents moved, including all my dozens of books and my old bedroom decor because I wanted them all back. My dad promised me they all were in the storage and like two weeks ago we finally had a chance to go through all of storage. I remembered packing everything into big, cardboard boxes so I made sure we checked absolutely every cardboard box and absolutely none of them were in there. But there were boxes with some stuff from my room, just not the stuff I wanted. Like all the junk I used to keep under my bed was in a box that for some reason was saved even though it all was literal junk I didn’t care about, but the box that had my old dance medals and shoes and a cork board with important stuff on it was absolutely nowhere to be found. Mostly I wanted my box with my books because I want to get back into reading and I think if I find that it’ll help me because I can reread all my old faves.
Anyway, needless to say neither of those were in there and they have yet to be found.
Well, on Monday I found out why that probably is and I’m so pissed about it.
Apparently my mom had hired movers to come and take all of that stuff initially, but she’d left my dad in charge of it and he had them take literally nothing. So they had ended up having to move everything by themselves and it was a bit of a panic because they only had a short window of time to do so. I was up at school at the time and really couldn’t help at all, so it was just my parents and my brother because my sister also had things she was doing. My mom said it had started off fine, but then for some reason my dads mom decided to wanted to come help and when she got here she started dictating where everything should go without even checking with my mom or even knowing what was what.
She apparently made my dad and brother put two bags of literal trash in the things to take to the new place and they wound up there. My mom has no idea if that also means she sent things that were supposed to actually go to the new house to be thrown out, but she thinks that might have happened to a lot of stuff because a lot of stuff has ended up missing.
Worse than just my books and dance shoes though is a box of my sisters things that had stuff that belonged to my cousin (the one that passed away) - including a hand written note from her. And I didn’t know that until the other day, but I really had been wondering where the note had gone. And I’m just so heartbroken because the note specifically was linked to the last time we saw Lindsey alive and I’m just. Realizing it probably got thrown out fucking sucks so much? She’s been dead for almost 11 years and I feel like I have to grieve all over again because we may never get that back. Because my grandma sucks.
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Julia The Bookworm

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Re: CONFESSIONS.
« Reply #23911 on: May 15, 2020, 01:18:15 PM »

I'm sorry to hear that.
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GeeBeezy

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Re: CONFESSIONS.
« Reply #23912 on: May 16, 2020, 02:14:54 PM »

I know I said this before but I'm really sorry that happened Clare.
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抹茶のマーブルレアチーズケーキ

Matcha marble cheesecake

ジャガイモはセクシーで

and suddenly I wasnt a fish anymore I was omnipresent

And chacha real smooth

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35fBK7kCTgU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzClLu8DXlM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzcQxRr1cSw

Julia The Bookworm

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Re: CONFESSIONS.
« Reply #23913 on: May 19, 2020, 12:44:17 PM »

I'm kind of fed up seeing all the cutesy, kind of saccharine motivational stuff about COVID-19. It's not ok, this is not a new normal, yes, the future may be better for the people that aren't financially impacted by this, but what about the people that are? and what about a second wave? what about people's mental health? What about food access?
The world sucks right now, let us acknowledge that it sucks. I'm not in shock anymore, I'm just angry.
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Eraisuithiel

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Re: CONFESSIONS.
« Reply #23914 on: May 27, 2020, 07:58:01 AM »

Hoooo boy I have been STRUGGLIN (((:
Will I be able to return for regular rping? Only time will tell
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Emma-la

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Re: CONFESSIONS.
« Reply #23915 on: May 27, 2020, 10:56:37 AM »

I went back to work today and I’m genuinely nervous about the coming days. I’m doing everything I can to stay sanitary and we have all kinds of visual indicators in the store reminding people to stay 6 feet away, yet every time I looked something up on a computer for someone they tried to stand right beside me. Not to mention all the people on our socials trying to say it’s illegal for us not to accept cash. I’m losing faith in people, genuinely.
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“The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.”
*~*RESIDENT FORUM ROLEPLAYING ADDICT*~*

GeeBeezy

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Re: CONFESSIONS.
« Reply #23916 on: June 01, 2020, 07:27:32 PM »

I am EMO. About LOVE. It's a nice emo though but STILL >:C
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抹茶のマーブルレアチーズケーキ

Matcha marble cheesecake

ジャガイモはセクシーで

and suddenly I wasnt a fish anymore I was omnipresent

And chacha real smooth

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35fBK7kCTgU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzClLu8DXlM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzcQxRr1cSw

Echo :)

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Re: CONFESSIONS.
« Reply #23917 on: June 02, 2020, 07:18:22 AM »

Confession~
My mind is reeling. I'm not even sure what to think. My emotions are so out of whack. My thoughts are running wild. I have always been an optimist, I've always looked at the bright side, found joy in things, even when they sucked. The past few years have crushed me.
I've lost all conversational skills. I have 3 friends, none of which live closer than an hour away. My sister is half a world away and can't come home without risking adoption. I turned 24 this year. Still live with my parents. Have failed to finance a house purchase twice. I work a dead end job that pays me less than I could start to work a drive through. Despite the fact that I've worked 3 jobs at a time since Highschool. I gave up college because I was afraid of everything about it. I can barely even read through a book now without pausing every 20 minutes to clear my head. Everything I think I could be good at, there's always something that stops me.
My parents who have always been role models to me are more than likely going to split for reasons they won't even talk to me about, which has just left me to speculation.
They also just adopted my cousin who is now my little sister who I am responsible for a lot of the time. I also end up doing work for my dad and his business, and then cooking and helping my mom. Which is way more than I bargained for at this point in my life.
After realizing that the guy I was dating was a liar and never listened to me, I broke up with him and then realized how utterly alone I am. Often I find myself wishing I would have just given up my dreams and married him anyway. Then at least it would have been out of my parents house even though I wouldn't be happy with him either.
Every time I come home I worry that Echo isn't going to wake up for me again. Zane is in so much pain somedays and I'm not sure that I'll be able to afford whatever medical help he needs that I've had to consider losing my best friend to keep him from living in pain the rest of his life but I don't know if I could live with myself for making that call over money.
Basically I gave up my own life to help my family out and it just continues to screw me over. Turns out I'm no better at helping them than I am myself. So here I am alone in all this even though I'm surrounded but people all of the time. Wishing I was anywhere but where I am, no matter where that happens to be.
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“He looks," Simon had once said to Isabelle, "like he's thinking about something deep and meaningful, but if you ask him what it is, he'll punch you in the face.” ~CoFA

Julia The Bookworm

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Re: CONFESSIONS.
« Reply #23918 on: July 10, 2020, 02:23:14 PM »

I keep having these anxiety dreams about kissing one of my closest friends. I don't know how I feel about it.
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