Okay, I have found my new favorite way to get around. Ever. (Well, until hoverboards are invented.)

Behold the humble tuk-tuk!

As Wikipedia defines the term:

The tuk-tuk (ตุ๊กตุ๊ก or ตุ๊กๆ in Thai) is the Southeast Asian version of a vehicle known elsewhere as an auto rickshaw or cabin cycle. It is a widely used form of urban transport in Bangkok and other Thai cities, as well as other major Southeast Asian and South Asian cities.

How I define it is: Three-wheeled, hoverboard-like hellion of the traffic-choked fleshpot!

But yeah, it’s kinda like a motorized rickshaw too. The driver sits in front and one or two farang adults or three somewhat skinnier Thai adults, or up to (we-swear-to-Cthulu-saw-this-today) five schoolkids sit in back. The tiny gas-powered motor putters to life and pulls the whole contraption into traffic.

It is, as you might guess, awesome.

Let’s go on a tuk-tuk ride together, shall we?

First there is the measured buildup, sidling along just faster than the various pedestrians.

The other tuk-tuks swarm about us, waving and smiling.

Notice how the metal filigree between driver and passngers looks exactly like a bedframe? That’s just one part of what gives the experience its Hey-I-just-put-a-motor-on-my-couch-want-to-go-for-a-ride? feel.

Fun Fact: the tuk-tuk’s name is onomatopoetic. It’s tiny two-stroke engine sounds just like—

But look! A tuk-tuk-size opening in the traffic . . .

The sudden acceleration (or “dash of death”) between other, much larger vehicles begins! Any of them could crush us without a second thought! It’s like riding a poodle into a stampede of t-rexes!

But then a stretch of open road is spotted . . . and we make the jump to tuk-tuk hyperspace!

The dizzying crescendo! Your teeth are rattling like a pearl necklace in a blender!

And then, suddenly, the screech of brakes and blinding glare of brake-lights!

Ahhh, we are at our destination. And, um, why are the brake lights inside the passenger cabin? That’s just odd.

But there’s no time to ask. It’s time to pay the man the negotiated fare. (Crap, forgot to bargain again! Guileless, childlike farang.)

Goodbye, little tuk-tuk! We shall meet again, like the next time I need a medium-length ride in motorized transport and don’t have luggage.

More about Thailand soon!

Update: Here’s what we did today, as recounted by Justine.

So here we are in Thailand, and I didn’t get around to blogging any of our trip to Britain!

In my defense, the schedule was insanely busy. Four school visits, three interviews, three “Meet the Author” videos, one stage appearance, three lunches and two dinners with booksellers, librarians, editors, and scouts. Two hotels, four trains, a zillion cabs. One flu (Justine’s) and one almost flu (mine).

More about all this later. But for the moment, huge thanks to the two publicists who shepherded me around the country (this means you, Kat and Elisa!) and to all the way-cool British teachers, librarians, and fans I met.

But here’s my current concern: The UK trip was so busy that I didn’t get a chance to read up about Thailand before we got here. I don’t even know how to say “thankyou,” which is just about unforgivable. Justine has been here before and knows how to say some stuff. But women and men have different sentence endings in the Thai language, so I can’t even imitate her! Argh.

And it gets worse. About half an hour from landing in Bangkok, I was reading a guide to Thai etiquette, and came across these rules . . .

Show respect for the monarchy, Buddhism, and the monkhood. Criticism causes universal offence and may be heavily penalised.

Stand for the King’s anthem.

The head is the highest part of the body spiritually and must not be touched or pointed at, particularly by the feet, the lowest part of the body. So never use the feet to move, shut or point at things, nor step on coins or banknotes (they bear the king’s head).

Treat Buddha images with respect. Don’t point at them (especially with feet).

Step over, not on, door thresholds.

Don’t lose your temper. Anger is viewed (and avoided) as temporary insanity and prevents resolution of problems.
—Time Out Bangkok

Okay, now most of this is easy. I rarely give in to temporary insanity, except with printers, MS Word, and the occasional grammar issue. I’ve got my own head of state to diss, so I’m down with respecting the king. (And come on, monks are always cool.)

But the not-pointing part is tricky. I’m a tourist, after all! It’s my job to point at stuff in a charming, slack-jawed way. In fact, a mere hour after reading the rules above, we were cruising down the airport highway, and all these cool Buddhas were planted along the roadside, welcoming us to Thailand.

And I immediately pointed at them. Bad farang!*

Don’t point at the Buddha, dude!

Also, I’m going to have trouble not doing things with my feet. You know, like shutting doors and moving stuff around. What can I say? I played soccer as a kid.

But I’m sure they’ll cut me some slack until the jetlag goes away.

So what, you may ask, are we doing in Thailand? Mostly, we’re getting a chance to stop touring and get some work done. Our six weeks here are like our own little NaNoWriMo!

Speaking of which, are any of you writing a novel in November? It’s what all the cool kids are doing. Plus, it’s fun to say “NaNoWriMo.”

Okay, must start writing, um . . . now. More on the UK later, after I practice not pointing.

*Farang is Thai for “foreigner.” And that’s me.

PS It’s 32C (90 Fahrenheit) here. Woo-hoo!