Like the rest of the Tribe, I’m headed off to Scotland for the World Science Fiction Convention. Worldcon will consist of about 6,000 of us skiffy-heads talking about the death of publishing, the probable shape of the future, and the state of Scottish cuisine. And possibly we’ll also be drinking beer.

I may or may not be posting much, but like all such affairs, Worldcon will be extensively photoblogged, warblogged, and real-time transcribed. Five minute’s research will no doubt turn up embarrassing photos of me or any other sf writer you’d care to google.

Actually, it doesn’t start until next Thursday, but in the meantime we’ll be staying in London with Justine’s sister Niki and our pals Lauren and Andrew. Have to make up for all those lost tourism dollars, bravely ride the underground, stiff upper lip and all that.

Here’s my Worldcon schedule:

Thursday 8:00pm The Military – Getting It Right
Does it matter if we don’t get the equipment right? Is it ok for fictional military characters to sound like boy scouts? Is there a military ethic that we have a duty to get right? What matters to readers in uniform? With Simon Bradshaw (M), Paul Chafe, Richard Morgan, Scott Westerfeld, and Karen Traviss.

Ever since I wrote the space operatic Risen Empire, I’ve been put on military panels. This topic is a bit more focused than most, however, and look interesting. Of course, the answer to all the question depends on what you mean by the military: Imperial storm troopers grown in a vat? Or 19-year-old reservists with Arab phrase books trying to quell 4,000 years of Babylonian bloodshed?

Friday 11:00am Why Write for Children/YA?
A recent advertisement for a Canadian first novel award included the line “if you have previously written children’s books, you are still eligible.” With that kind of attitude, why do we bother? With Julie Bertagna, Oisin McGann, Janet McNaughton, Sharyn November (M), Scott Westerfeld, Jane Yolen.

Dude, I’m on a panel with Jane Yolen! This should be fun, although the petulant tone of the description strikes me as odd. Didn’t they get the memo about how YA rules the world? And how everyone and their dog is switching over? (Except Walter Mosely’s dog, who’s writing a science fiction novel. Sucker.)

Saturday 1:00pm Autographing
Me and James P. Hogan, Justina Robson, Liz Williams, and Charles Stross.

Monday 11:30am-12:00pm. Reading
I’ll probably read from Risen Empire, seeing as that’s my only book out in the UK this year. Uglies doesn’t reach those shores until spring 2006.

That’s it. The rest of the time I can be found in the bar. You know, that bar in Scotland.

Church sign courtesy of the Church Sign Generator.

New York City is mental tonight. In addition to all the usual crowds around bars and nightclubs and street performances, there are all these huge lines in front of . . . bookstores.

Justine and I were walking home from seeing the Liberty at Madison Square Garden, and stopped at out usual post-game restaurant at about 10PM. Already, there were families out with their hyped-up kids, lightning bolts on foreheads and big geeky glasses on. The buzz was already in the air.

After dinner, we decided to visit the Union Square Barnes and Noble. It had all the usual signs of NYC madness. There were rented searchlights sweeping the sky, giant lines and gianter bouncers, and that all-important symbol of more demand than supply: a wristband system. Folks with yellow wristbands were the lordly pre-buyers. Lesser minions were assigned orange bands, with numbers scribbled on each one showing the order of arrival.

Over at the fabulous Books of Wonder was an even vaster line. Two lines, actually, stretching in both directions to either end of 18th Street between 5th and 6th. There were wizards, bouncers, snipers, all the usual elemants of a book-release party.

We wanted to see our pals who work at the store, just to get the business-end vibe of all this madness. Also, I figured that this was probably the only overcrowded NYC event where YA-writer status was a red-velvet-rope-cutting superpower. Justine was like, “Don’t embarrass me.” But I went to the front of the line and spotted friends, who waved us in all official-like.

Whoa, those were some tired faces. The BOW crew had all been up since dawn organizing and strategizing and lugging vast quantities of books up from the basement. And here they were some 18 hours later, wearing pointy hats and facing a mob that would be surging into the store in only ten minutes . . .

But actually, they kind of looked like they were having fun.

Whatever you think of JKR, tonight was really amazing. Here were thousands of people within a few city blocks all having a genuine cultural event. And it wasn’t about a movie star or a politician or a sporting hero . . . it was about a book. (Hey, any night on which mid-list young adult writers magically obtain line-cutting powers is okay by me.)

It reminded me of a story about Charles Dickens’ popularity. When he was serializing The Old Curiosity Shop in 1840-1, the US was a week or so behind in the narrative, because the magazines had to be brought here by sea. One of the characters, Little Nell, got sick in that Dickensian way where you can die at any moment. So reporters used to hang around the docks when cruise ships arrived from England, and shout up at the passengers before the gang planks had even been lowered: “What news of Little Nell?”

That was probably the last time people got so exercised about a fictional character, you know?

Of course, Justine and I got the heck out of Books of Wonder before the appointed hour arrived, letting the people who’d waited in line have their due, and letting those brave souls at the cash register do their jobs.

My heart goes out to bookstore employees everywhere. I hope you all survived.

Last week, Justine and I were privileged to go on our Razorbill publisher’s sailboat for July 4. Tonight, we got a taste of fireboat!

Back in 2000, when John Oakes was the owner of Four Walls Eight Windows, he published my adult sf novel Evolution’s Darling. We’ve kept in touch ever since, and he still invites me to his annual fireboat party.

This is an excellent thing, because fireboats are big, powerful tugboats armed with water cannon! A fireboat party consists of cruising around Manhattan drinking beer, eating sausage, and ocassionally firing the water cannon straight up into the air.

This is what a bunch of publishing people on a fireboat look like:

They look like pretty much regular publishing people, but notice the water cannon over their heads. There’s something special about water cannon, something that adds a certain frisson to a publishing party. Maybe it’s the fact that at any moment, John Oakes may fire the water cannon, and metric tons of seawater will fall on all your heads!

This is my artistic shot of the Statue of Liberty, taken from the front of the fireboat. (This was a peaceful moment, before the water cannon had been fired.)

I wish I had pictures of the water cannon shooting into the air. But something about having metric tons of seawater falling on my head and being out of batteries made that impossible. Trust me, though, it was funny seeing all those publishing people trying not to get wet.

Next year I’ll bring an umbrella and fresh batteries. I promise.

One more thing: Last year, John sold Four Walls Eight Windows to Avalon Publishing Group. He’s working there now and publishing much cool sf and other stuff. Please go buy his books so that there will be a fireboat party next year!